


I Am Now Who I Was Meant to Be.

by Firebird665



Series: Inquisitor Alexandra [1]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II, Dragon Age: Inquisition, Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Control Issues, Eventual Happy Ending, Evil, F/M, Forgiveness, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Kindness, Lyrium sickness, M/M, Overcoming your own walls, Past Rape/Non-con, Pregnancy, Revenge, Self-Doubt, Self-Hatred, Slow Burn, Touched by evil, Trust Issues, mostly cannon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-30
Updated: 2017-07-20
Packaged: 2018-08-31 18:23:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 26,263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8588998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Firebird665/pseuds/Firebird665
Summary: Alexandra knows what it is like to have to fight for each day.  She was born Dalish but was exiled from her clan at the age of six when her magic manifested.  Her clan already already had four mages and Alexandra’s magic was powerful and unpredictable.Alexandra is a kind soul who has had to go through unimaginable hardship.  Her faith in mankind and herself has been shaken to the core and she searches for answers wherever she can find them.  She has turned to the Maker, even though she is Dalish, but her faith is not strong as he is as silent as the Dalish gods she appealed to before.  She does not trust kindness because the only time she ever received kindness ended in disaster.Because of all that has happened to her, she wants to help those who cannot help themselves, as she knows exactly how they feel.  For this reason, she goes to the Conclave in an effort to stop a war.  It does not go as she planned.





	1. Into the Breach

          Alexandra could feel damp seep into her knees and the cold metal against her wrists.  She could hear footsteps outside the small hut and her chest constricted in fear.  He was coming back!  He opened the door with a smile. ”Hello my dear!  Ready to start again?”   Alexandra woke with a start, her breathing heavy as she stared about the room.   _Thank the Maker!  Just a dream!_  She flopped back down onto the bed with a sigh as her breathing returned to normal.  Images flashed in front of her eyes.  Would he never leave her alone?

          Alexandra sat up and ran her hands down her face before rubbing her face vigorously, trying to wipe the images from her brain.  As her fingers slid down her face the last time, she took in the room around her.  It was a simple room but warm, thank the Maker it was warm.  Outside the window she could see the villagers preparing for the conclave.  She had been lucky to get a room at the inn with all the leaders of both the mage rebellion and the templar order.  Guess having a scary face had its benefits.  The innkeeper hadn’t looked like she was going to give Alexandra a room until she looked at her face and her eyes got wide.  After that she was practically tripping over herself to get Alexandra situated.

         Alexandra walked over to the mirror and stared at her reflection, her hand instantly going up to the long scar that cut through her left eye.  She had been lucky that the eye looked relatively normal, despite the fact that she could barely see out of it.  There were a few other scars on her face but the one through her eye was always the one to catch attention.  Alexandra sighed, if they saw the scars that covered the rest of her body, the scar through her eye would seem tame in comparison.  All presents from Him.  One day she would find him and make him pay.  One last look and Alexandra headed outside.

         Once outside the inn, Alexandra looked up the mountain at the Temple of Sacred Ashes.  The Conclave was today.  Maybe, just maybe in such a place the Maker might give her an answer to all the questions that swirled in her head.  Alexandra shook her head _You are not here for yourself_ she reminded herself.  With a sigh she started to make her way to the temple as the Conclave was set to start within the hour.

 

* * * * * *

 

         Sharp pains shot up Alexandra’s arm rousing her from unconsciousness.  She could feel the damp seeping into her knees from the cold stone floor.  Alexandra opened her eyes, fearing what she would find, terrified that He had finally found her.  But instead she was greeted by a cold stone dungeon.  Her confusion quickly turned to panic when she looked down and saw herself chained.  The door in front of her banged open and two women walked in.

         “Tell me why we shouldn’t kill you now” the first asked. “The conclave is destroyed, everyone who attended is dead.  Except for you.”

         Alexandra barely heard her, the chains felt as though they were cutting off the breath in her throat.  Her breathing was labored and she thought her heart was going to beat right out of her chest.

 _Breathe, breathe._ She thought to herself. _You are not trapped.  In.  Out.  In.  Out. You could get out if you wanted. Breathe_.

         “Explain this!” the first woman grabbed Alexandra’s wrist yanking her out of her mind and back into the dungeon.

         Alexandra noticed for the first time, the mark on her hand emanating green light.

         “I-I can’t” Alexandra choked out.  She felt as though her throat were being squeezed shut.

         “What do you mean, you can’t?” the woman raged at her.

         “I don’t know what that is or where it came from” Alexandra cried.

         “You’re lying!” She yelled, grabbing the front of Alexandra’s tunic.

         Seeing the other woman’s anger up close quieted Alexandra’s heart some.  He never got angry, it was the ones who didn’t get angry that she feared.

         “We need her, Cassandra!” The second woman said as she yanked the first off her.

         Alexandra took the moment to take as deep a breath as she could. “Whatever you think I did, I’m innocent!”

         “Do you remember what happened?” The second woman asked.  “How this began?”

         “I remember….running!  Things were chasing me then….a woman?” Alexandra felt as though it was all through a haze.

         “A woman?!?” The second woman asked

         “She reached out to me but then….” Alexandra closed her eyes trying to remember but it was no good.

         “Go to the forward camp, Leliana” Cassandra said.  “I will take her to the rift.”

         Next thing Alexandra knew, the chains were dropping away as Cassandra removed them.  Alexandra took a deep breath as they dropped away, her fear dropping with them.  Her hands were still bound with simple rope but it wasn’t as terrifying as the chains.

         “What did happen?” She asked.

         “It-” Cassandra paused “It will be easier to show you.”

         Once outside, Alexandra could feel the crackle of magic in the air as she stared up at the enormous rip in the sky.  

         “We call it the Breach” Cassandra said as Alexandra gaped at the rip.  “It’s a massive rift into the world of demons that grows larger with each passing hour.  It’s not the only such rift, just the largest.  All were caused by the explosion at the conclave.”

         “An explosion can do that?”

         “This one did.  Unless we act, the Breach may grow until it swallows the world.”

         Suddenly, pain shot up Alexandra’s arm as though it were being ripped open, matched by a boom sounding from the Breach.

         “Each time the Breach expands, your mark spreads and it is killing you.” Cassandra said as she kneeled in front of Alexandra.  

         Alexandra looked from Cassandra to the Breach and back again and back and forth again.  She felt her eyes sting with unshed tears.   _Was this where she was going to die?_

 _No._ She thought _Fuck that, I am not going to die now after all I have survived._  If there was ever to be a point to any of it then she couldn’t die now.  She could not stand the idea that He would get away with what he did.

         “I understand.” She said looking Cassandra straight in the eye.

         “You mean…” Cassandra said.

         “I will do whatever it takes to stop that thing.  If that thing is connected to this,” she held up her hand “then perhaps I can use it to close the Breach.”

         Cassandra nodded and helped Alexandra to her feet.  Cassandra continued talking as they headed toward the forward camp but Alexandra hardly heard her for she was lost in her thoughts.  This Breach was...terrifying.  It consumed her thoughts, _where did it come from?_   _Could the mark on my hand stop it?_   _Would I survive?_  Perhaps it would be better if she didn’t.  That way she wouldn’t have to struggle each new day just to...be.   _No,_ she thought to herself.  She had far too much left to do.

         As they headed toward the forward camp, despair tinged the fear she felt on first seeing the Breach.  The pain from the mark had grown with each expansion of the Breach and now seared her with every step she took.   _Was this really to be the end?_  She thought.  So lost in her thoughts, she barely greeting the two men she met on her way to the forward camp.  One, Solas, had shown her that her mark did in fact control the rifts.  After closing the rift, the pain in her hand lessened some and it gave her hope.  Hope that this was perhaps not the end, but as they continued to head towards the forward camp, the hope diminished as the pain and death around her increased.  But she tried to hold on that this was not the end,  that she could close this Breach in the sky and then go after him.  The war between mages and templars had made her search even more difficult- _No_ she thought closing her eyes for a moment. _One thing at a time, live through the day first._  She opened her eyes and marched into the forward camp.

         “You made it. Chancellor Roderick, this is-” Leliana started as Alexandra and Cassandra walked up.

         “I know who she is.” the man Leliana referred to as Chancellor Roderick said.  “As Grand Chancellor of the Chantry, I hereby order you to take this criminal to Val Royeaux to face execution!”

         “Order me?!” Cassandra spoke with barely contained anger “You are a glorified clerk!  A bureaucrat!”

         “And you are a thug.  But a thug that supposedly serves the Chantry!” He ranted.

         “We serve the Most Holy, Chancellor.  As you well know.” Leliana’s last comment was directed not at the Chancellor but at Cassandra.

         “Justinia is dead!  We must elect a replacement, and obey her orders on the matter.” The Chancellor continued.

         “What about the Breach?  I would have thought that was the real threat here?” Alexandra interjected.

         “A Breach you caused!” He said, his anger turning on her.  “Call a retreat, Seeker.  Your position here is hopeless.”

         “We can stop this before it is too late.” Cassandra looked at the map in front of her as she spoke.

         “How?  You won’t survive long enough to reach the temple, even with all your soldiers.” The Chancellor waved his arms angrily.

         “We must get to the temple, it’s the quickest route” Cassandra continued as though he wasn’t there.

         “But not the safest,” Leliana said as she joined them “Our forces can charge as a distraction while we go through the mountains”

         “We lost contact with an entire squad on that path.  It is too risky.” Cassandra frowned.

         “Abandon this now, before more lives are lost” the Chancellor pleaded with Cassandra.

         Suddenly a loud boom sounded from the Breach and pain shot up Alexandra’s arm as the mark expanded.  When the pain returned to a dull sear, Alexandra looked up and saw everyone staring at her.

         “Fuck this, I will not live to make it through the mountains.  We charge and we charge now.  This-” she held up her hand “seems to be the only way to stop the Breach and it is killing me.  We need to go now before it succeeds.” Alexandra held onto her anger, used it to help her function.

         Alexandra seethed as she and the others headed to join the soldiers at the main gate to the temple.  If this is what her life was going to culminate in, then fine.  Nothing ever goes the way it should, but you have to carry on and she was going to beat any demons between her and that Breach into a bloody, slimy, fiery whatever pulp.

         Upon reaching the main gate they saw another rift like the one Solas had helped her close earlier.  Alexandra didn’t even pause before hurling herself at the demons in a flurry of blades, disregarding her magic because she really needed to vent some of her anger.  She was happy to have something to take her rage out on the closest demons.  It was only after the demons were dead and the rift closed that she noticed the other soldiers around her.  A few of them were staring at her with wide eyes.  Alexandra closed her eyes trying to take deep breaths as her lungs screamed for air.  She searched for her inner calm that had so horribly deserted her today.

         “Lady Cassandra!  You managed to close the rift?  Well done!” a deep voice broke her out of her thoughts.

         “Do not congratulate me, Commander.  It was the prisoner’s doing.” Cassandra responded.

         Alexandra opened her eyes and looked for the owner of the voice.  Her breath caught in her throat.  He had the most mesmerizing eyes she had ever seen.  Alexandra sighed, Focus!   _I don’t not have time to think of this._ Alexandra turned her head to the ground and closed her eyes.   _There is no sense in getting worked up_ .  She thought.   _He would never want you, not the monster you are now.  Besides, you swore to never fall into that trap again!_ Lost in her thoughts, Alexandra didn’t realize at first that the man was speaking to her.

         “Is it?” He asked looking at Alexandra for the first time “I hope they’re right about you.  We have lost a lot of good people getting you here.”

         “You’re not the only one hoping that” Alexandra said as she turned toward the Breach.   _Those eyes…._ she thought.  

         “We’ll see soon enough, won’t we.” she heard him say as he went back to speaking with Cassandra.  Alexandra was no longer listening.  She could not think of him or her past.  She had a job to do and the anger from earlier was dissipating.  It never lasted as long as she needed it.  She was not keen on dying but the possibility was now right in front of her face.  As she stared up at the Breach waiting for Cassandra to finish her conversation with the man, she thought about the vow she had made to herself to find Him and make him pay but then she thought about each day that had past since, the pain and loneliness she felt and how it all just seemed to be...unending.  Perhaps dying would not be that bad after all.  Alexandra shook her head in an effort to shake the dark thoughts from her mind.  Now was not the time.  She took a deep breath and focused back in on Cassandra and the man amber eyes.  Cassandra motioned toward the temple as the man helped one of his men back to the forward camp.

         Once in the ruins of the temple, Alexandra felt sick to her stomach.  She had seen abominations and worse during the blight at the Ferelden Circle but this was like nothing she had seen.  People still stood where they had been burned alive.  Some still reaching for safety, others curled in on themselves, as if trying to protect themselves.  All with the skin melted off their bodies.  The smell of burnt flesh and pulverized rock permeated every breath Alexandra took.  

         “That is where they found you.”  Cassandra pointed off to the side, drawing Alexandra’s focus.

         When they rounded the corner into what once was the Temple of Sacred Ashes, Alexandra was confronted with the largest rift she had seen yet.

         “You’re here!” Leliana came running up behind them.  “Thank the Maker!”

         “Leliana, have your men take up positions around the temple.” Cassandra took charge before turning to Alexandra.  “This is your chance to end this.  Are you ready?”

         “I’ll try.” Alexandra clenched her fists. “But I don’t know if I can reach that, much less close it.”

         “No,” Solas stepped up next to her and put his hand on her shoulder. “This rift was the first and it is the key.  Seal it and perhaps we seal the Breach.”

         Alexandra froze at the feel of his hand on her shoulder.  The last time he had touched her it had only been for a moment and that had been to close a rift.  She had time to think about the hand touching her.

         “We better get down there, then.” Alexandra stepped away from the hand on her shoulder and tried to make it look as though she was stepping away in order to head towards the Breach.  She dared not look behind her to see if she pulled it off.

         As they started to approach the Breach voices could be heard.  Alexandra could hear what sounded like an old Orlesian woman.

         “Someone!  Help me!” Pain pulsed up Alexandra’s hand at the sound.

         “What’s going on here?” Alexandra stopped dead at the sound of her own voice coming from the Breach.

         “That was your voice!” Cassandra turned to look at her.  “Most holy called out to you but-”

         Before Cassandra could finish a image sprang from the Breach.  It showed a dark shadowed figure holding the Divine captive.  In the image the doors to the temple sprang open and a ghostly Alexandra rushed in, a confused look on her face.

         “What’s going on here?” Alexandra heard her own voice again.  This time coming from the ghostly version of herself.

         “Run while you can!  Warn them!” The Divine from the vision urged Alexandra’s other self.

         “We have an intruder.” The shadow spoke for the first time and it chilled Alexandra to the bone. “Slay the elf.”

         With that the vision disappeared in a burst of light.

         “What the-” Alexandra just stared at the Breach dumbfounded.   _What was that?_  She thought to herself.

         “You WERE there!” Cassandra accused.  “Who attacked?!  And the Divine, is she…  was this vision true?  What are we seeing?”

         “I don’t know!  I don’t remember!” Alexandra cried out.  She felt so helpless.  She hated not knowing what had happened in her own memory.

         “Echos of what happened here.  The Fade bleeds into this place.” Solas mused, raising his voice he spoke to the group.  “This rift,” He pointed to the large rift attached to the Breach.  “Is not sealed but it is closed.  With your mark, we could open it and then seal it properly.  It would, undoubtedly, attract attention from the other side though.”

         “That means demons!” Cassandra shouted and motioned to her soldiers to ready themselves before nodding to Alexandra.

 _Guess that means I am opening the rift._ Alexandra thought to herself.  She took what she hoped would be a calming breath (it wasn’t) before lifting her hand to the rift.  Green light shot out of her hand connecting with the rift, ripping it open.

         Before Alexandra had a chance to close the rift properly, a bolt of lightning shot from the rifts, depositing a pride demon right in the middle of them all.   _Fuck!I_ Alexandra thought to herself.  This was the first time she had ever seen a pride demon in person.  It was three times her height and easily ten times her width.  It’s skin was a sickening grey color and it was covered in jagged spikes.  The most predominant of which jutted back from it’s elbows.  Alexandra couldn’t decide if she was more frightened of the six inch long claws or the four foot long horns coming out of a head that seemed to be made entirely of sharp teeth.

         “Now!” Cassandra yelled to their soldiers who loosed a hail of arrows on the demon before Cassandra and the remaining soldiers charged the beast.

         Alexandra only paused momentarily before calling upon their magic to rain fire down on the demon.  It screeched in pain before turning it’s black eyes on her.

 _Bring it on!_ Alexandra thought to herself.


	2. The Inquisition Reborn

“I don’t remember the ceiling at the inn being so...brown.” Alexandra thought in a daze as she opened her eyes.  She stared at the ceiling for a few minutes before it all came flooding back to her and she sat straight up.  The rift, hearing the Divine speak, seeing herself, the Pride demon, Maker, the Pride demon.  A squeak and clatter from across the room drew her attention.  A young elf was staring at her with wide eyes.

“You’re awake!” she gasped.

“So it would seem…” Alexandra said softly to herself. “Why are you afraid?  What happened?”

“That was wrong, wasn’t it.  I said the wrong thing.” The elf fell to her knees.

“I don’t...think so.” Now Alexandra was confused.  

“They say you saved us.  The Breach stopped growing just like the mark on your hand.” the elf continued.

Alexandra looked down at her hand.  The mark shone but was not as painful as it had been.  It was more like a dull throbbing rather than the sharp pain it had been.

“It’s all anyone has talked about for the last three days!” the elf exclaimed.

“So you’re saying...they’re happy with me”  Alexandra was not quite sure what to make of that.

“I’m only saying what I heard.  I didn’t mean anything by it.” fear returned to the elf’s voice.

“Calm down, you have nothing to fear from me.”  Alexandra said as she started to stand.

“I am sure Lady Cassandra would want to know that you have awakened.  She said ‘At once’” the elf was now backing away from Alexandra.

“Where is she-” Alexandra felt a weakness in her body she had not felt in some time and just barely remained standing as the elf said something about the Chantry and ran out.  Alexandra steadied herself by leaning on the wall.  When she felt the moment of weakness pass she headed for the Chantry.  Time to see what was going on.

By the time she reached the Chantry doors Alexandra was even more confused.  The people who just yesterday had hated and despised her seemed to be treating her with awe and reverence.  Looking up at the doors, it struck Alexandra how amusing it was that she would be looking to the Chantry once again after they had failed her before.

As Alexandra approached the war room at the back of the Chantry she could hear raised voices.  It seemed Chancellor Roderick and Cassandra were arguing, about her nonetheless.  I am so tired of fighting Alexandra thought to herself as she threw open the door.  

“Chain her!  I want her prepared for travel to the capital at once!” Chancellor Roderick shouts as Alexandra walks in, freezing her in her steps.

“Disregard that.” Cassandra waved at the guards “and leave us.”

“You walk a dangerous line seeker!” The Chancellor huffed.

“The Breech is stable but it is still a threat!  I will NOT ignore it” Cassandra growled at the Chancellor.

“I tried my best to close the Breach!  I almost died!” Alexandra exclaimed.

“And yet you still live…” The Chancellor remarked.

“Have a care, Chancellor!  The Breach is not the only threat we face.” Cassandra glared at Chancellor Roderick.

“Someone was behind the explosion at the Conclave, someone the most holy did not expect.” Leliana weighed in.  “Perhaps they died with the others, or have allies that yet live.” The last was directed at the Chancellor.

“I am a suspect!?!” The Chancellor stepped back in shock.

“You and many others!” Leliana shot back.

“But not the prisoner?” The Chancellor glared at Alexandra.

“I heard the voices in the temple.  The divine called to her for help.”  Cassandra said.

“So her survival, that thing on her hand, all just a grand coincidence?” Chancellor Roderick looked dubious.

“Providence.”  Cassandra stated.

“Enough!” Alexandra waved her hand.  “This is getting us nowhere!”

Cassandra grabbed a large book off the back shelf of the room and slammed it on the table.  “Do you know what this is, Chancellor Roderick?  A rit from the Divine, granting us the authority to act.  As of this moment, I declare the inquisition reborn.  We will close the Breach, we will find out who is responsible and we will restore order, with or without your help!”

Alexandra just stared as the three of them shouted at each other.  Finally, Chancellor Roderick stormed out.  Leliana walked over to the book Cassandra had slammed on the table.

“So this is the Divine’s directive: Rebuild the Inquisition of old, find those who will stand against the chaos.  We aren’t ready, we have no leader, no numbers and now no Chantry support.” Leliana looked up at both of them.

“But we have no choice.  We must act now, with you at our side.” Cassandra said turning to Alexandra.

“Me?”  Alexandra exclaimed.  “Why me?!?  I am just the unlucky sod who was caught in the middle of-” Alexandra paused. “Whatever it was that happened up there.”

“Well aside from the obvious,” Cassandra indicated Alexandra’s hand.  “You have already shown that you are willing to do what needs to be done in order to ensure the safety of those around you.”

“Well, when I woke up, I certainly didn’t picture this outcome.”  Alexandra stated.

“Neither did we.” Leliana smiled.

“Help us fix this.” Cassandra extended her hand.

Alexandra eyed it.  But wasn’t this why you went to the Conclave in the first place? She said to herself.  Alexandra shakes Cassandra’s hand and they all depart the war room as there is much to be done.  Alexandra heads back to her quarters.  

Sitting down at the desk in the corner of the room Alexandra looks around rather listlessly.  She felt as though something huge just began but there is really nothing for her to do.  Staring down at her hand, she ran her fingers over the edges of the mark.  If it wasn’t for this, they wouldn’t need me at all.  She thought as she continued to run her fingers along the mark.  Staring at the mark, she was struck that once again something evil had marked her.  The shadowy figure from the vision at the temple came to mind.  There is no way he was good.  He killed the Divine!  He wanted to kill me.  Ahh but just because someone kills, does not mean they are evil.  There can be reasons that make killing necessary.  But the darkness that surrounded him cannot be denied!  Alexandra continued to argue with herself.  Finally coming to the conclusion that she had no answers.  Sighing, Alexandra stood and moved over to her bed.  Kneeling before then bed, she did the only thing she could think of.

“Maker,” Alexandra started as she clasped her hands together.  “Cassandra believes that you sent me.  She thinks that I am the answer that will save Thedas and close the Breach.  But why would you send me to them like some holy messenger when I am anything but holy?  If what Cassandra says is true, then you are a bastard.  You ignore me in my darkest times, refusing to help.  But then send me to do your bidding like some trained dog?”  Alexandra stared at the wall but no answers appeared.

“I am just talking to the air.  Either you don’t exist or you are a self-centered bastard who-who wouldn’t listen to me anyway.” Alexandra turned around so she was sitting on the floor and let her head fall back on the bed behind her.

*Knock* *Knock* Alexandra started as someone knocked solidly on her door.

“Hey!  You in there?” Varric’s voice rang through the wall.

“Come in, Varric.”  Alexandra rested her head back on the bed.

“Hey, thought I would come see how you were doing.” Varric said as he shut the door behind himself.  “I mean now that Cassandra is out of earshot.” He smiled at the last.

“Doing just fine.” Alexandra said looking up.

“Yeah...you go from being the most wanted criminal in Thedas to joining the armies of the faithful. Most people would have spread that out over more than one day.  It’s a lot to take in.”  Varric sat down at her desk and turned to look at her.

“I’m fine.  People hating me is nothing new to me.  I will admit the reverence is something new, though.” Alexandra cracked a little smile even though she didn’t feel it.

“So, better than most of us then.” Varric said with a sigh.  “You know, for days now, we’ve been staring at the Breach, watching demons and Maker-knows-what fall out of it. ‘Bad for morale’ would be an understatement. I still can’t believe anyone was in there and lived.”

“I guess it was luck that I survived.  I really have no idea.  I hate not remembering.  I have a constant feeling of missing something and then it is like ‘oh yeah, my memory.  Guess I forgot!’” Alexandra waved her hand accentuating her point.  

Varric laughed. “Not sure if that is good luck of bad”

“You know, you might want to consider running at the first opportunity. I’ve written enough tragedies to recognize where this is going. Heroes are everywhere. I’ve seen that. But the hole in the sky? That’s beyond heroes. We’re going to need a miracle.” Varric said, his face turning serious again.

“Yeah well, miracles don’t exist.  But I can’t run from this.  I can’t run from any of it.”  Alexandra sighed.

   Varric just stared at her for a moment before standing up from the chair and announcing that he had work to do at his tent.

“See ya.” Alexandra mumbled as he exited her room.

After her conversation with Varric, the room seemed too quiet.  Afraid her mind would take her to a dark place she decided to look around Haven.  

\---------

 

After about 10 minutes, Alexandra had found all of Haven.  It was not very big and she had had a chance to look around before the Conclave.  She had just walked out of the Apothecary when Cassandra walked up to her.

“We are all meeting in the Chantry.” Cassandra said, indicating Alexandra should follow her.

Alexandra nodded and followed Cassandra into the Chantry.

“Does it trouble you?”  Cassandra asked, indicating the hand with the mark that Alexandra had been clenching.

“It has stopped spreading but I wish it was gone.”  Alexandra rubbed the mark with her other hand.

“We still have need of it.” Cassandra stated.

“I realize that.  And I will do what is needed.”  Alexandra nodded.

“What’s important is that your mark is now stable, as is the Breach. You’ve given us time, and Solas believes that a second attempt might succeed – provided the mark has more power. The same level of power used to open the Breach in the first place. That is not easy to come by.”  Cassandra said as they walked.

“I take it you have something in mind?”  Alexandra asked.

“Yes, we do.” Cassandra said as she swung open the door to the back room of the Chantry.

“You’ve met Commander Cullen, leader of the Inquisition’s forces.”  Cassandra indicated the man Alexandra had met at the Temple of Sacred Ashes.

“It was only for a moment on the field. I’m pleased you survived.” Cullen nodded to her.

Alexandra nodded back before turning her attention back to Cassandra.

“This is lady Josephine Montilyet, our ambassador and chief diplomat.” Cassandra indicated a beautiful dark skinned woman with curly black hair piled on her head.

“Andaran Atish'an.” Josephine nodded.

“You speak Elven?” Alexandra asked.

“You've just heard the entirety of it, I’m afraid.” Josephine said with a smile.

“And of course you know Sister Leliana.” Cassandra continued.

“My position here involves a degree of…” Leliana smiled.

“She is our spymaster.” Cassandra cut in.

“Yes. Tactfully put, Cassandra.” Leliana shook her head.

“Cassandra tells me that you have a plan for closing the Breach?”  Alexandra said as soon as the introductions were complete.

“Yes, I mentioned earlier that your mark needs more power to close the Breach for good.”  Cassandra said turning to Alexandra.

“So we need to approach the rebel mages for help.” Leliana said.

“And I still disagree.  The templars could serve just as well.” Cullen said, turning the Leliana.

“We need power, Commander. Enough magic poured into that mark–” Cassandra stated.

“Might destroy us all. Templars could suppress the breach, weaken it so–” Cullen continued

“Pure speculation.” Leliana dismissed his claims.

“I was a Templar. I know what they’re capable of.”  Cullen stated.

Alexandra took an involuntary step back.  Templar? She thought.  Looking around she saw Leliana’s eyes on her.  Alexandra stepped back up to the table as though nothing had happened.  It seemed that no one else had noticed her reaction as they were still bickering over who would be best to approach.

Alexandra listened as they talked about a cleric in the Hinterlands that wanted to talk to her.  Alexandra kept thinking about the rebel mages in Redcliff.  She had dealt with her fair share of rogue mages since this whole war between mages and templars had begun but she had never met the leader of the rebel mages.  She had hoped to meet Grand Enchanter Fiona at the Conclave but the mage leader had not shown.  Turning back to the conversation, it seemed that Alexandra was headed to the Hinterlands to visit with this cleric before anything else.

 

\-------

 

   The meeting with the cleric had gone fairly well, Alexandra now had a number of names that she was sure Leliana would put to good use.  But there had been little information Alexandra could use herself.

Alexandra turned to her companions, Varric, Cassandra and Solas had come with her, “The rebel mages are still located in Redcliff, correct?”

“Yes, last we heard.” Cassandra nodded.

“I think we should pay them a visit.” Alexandra said as she headed off toward Redcliff without a backward glance.

  
\-------


	3. Dear Maker, Please Let This Not Come to Pass

Getting to Redcliff was no small feat.  The hills outside were full of both rogue mages and rogue templars.  Not to mention the small rifts that had been opened when the Breach tore through the sky.  But once inside the village, it seemed so quiet.  Just a few steps in though and someone rushed up to meet them.

“Hello, you must be from the Inquisition.  Magister Alexius has not arrived yet but you can speak to the former grand enchanter in the meantime.” The young man nodded before leading them to the tavern, the Gull and Lantern.

Upon entering the Gull and Lantern, Alexandra could pick out the former grand enchanter easily.

“Hello, agents of the Inquisition.” Fiona looked at each of them in turn.  “What has brought you to Redcliff?”

“We are here to see if you would be willing to help us close the Breach in the sky.”  Alexandra said.  Cassandra threw her a quick look.  Alexandra knew that she should have consulted them all before making such a declaration but she couldn’t bear the thought of asking the templars.

“The situation has changed and I am no longer in a position to answer that question.” Fiona closed her eyes as though she was in pain.  “The free mages have pledged themselves to the Tevinter Imperium.”

“What?!” Alexandra practically yelled which earned her another look from Cassandra and several of the patrons of the tavern.

“An alliance with Tevinter?  Do you not fear all of Thedas turning against you?”  Cassandra asked before Alexandra could say anything else.

“As one indentured to a magister, I no longer have the authority to negotiate with you.”  Fiona continued as though Alexandra and Cassandra had not spoken.

“Why would you work with Tevinter?  What could possess you to think that was a good idea?” Alexandra cut in.  “And what about the Breach in the sky?  Do you have no concern for that?”

“I could not wait for the templars to pick us off one by one!  I have hundreds of people here who look to me for protection!  I took the only offer that was available to me.” Fiona responded.

“Tevinter is no offer, it is a trap.  Nothing good ever comes from Tevinter.” Alexandra bit out.

“Well, that is not a very good way to start negotiations…” A voice from behind Alexandra spoke, causing her to turn around.

“Welcome, Inquisition.  I apologize for not greeting you sooner.”  A man said as he walked over to them.

“Agents, may I introduce Magister Gereon Alexius.”  Fiona motioned to the new man.

“The southern mages are under my command.” Magister Alexius stated, stepping between Alexandra and Fiona.  “And you are the survivor, yes?  The one from the fade?  Interesting.” The magister looked her up and down as though he was judging her and found her wanting.

“What right have you to command them?” Alexandra just wanted to throttle the magister but she knew that would not help the southern mages or her cause.

“The right they gave me.” The magister said with a smile.  “Now I suggest we get down to business.”

Alexandra nodded as she did not trust her voice.

Magister Alexius indicated a nearby table and they both sat down.

“Felix, would you send for a scribe, please?  My son, Felix.”  Magister Alexius indicated a young man about Alexandra’s age who was standing off to the side.  The young man bowed before leaving to complete his task.

“You seem to have gotten here very quickly considering you must have come from Tevinter.” Alexandra stated,

Magister Alexius smiled but made no further comment, choosing instead to get down to business.  “I am not surprised you are here.  Containing the Breach is not a feat that many could even attempt.  There is no telling how many mages would be needed for such an endeavor.  Ambitious indeed.” Magister Alexius said.

Alexandra got the feeling he was laughing at her and she did not like the feeling at all.  

“Giant Breach, masses of demons, numbers need numbers.” Alexandra said, gritting her teeth.

“Well, then-” Magister Alexius stopped as his son stumbled toward them.

Felix looked far paler than he had just moments before and Alexandra stood holding out her hands to steady him.

“Forgive me.” He said as he lost his balance and she had to catch him.  “I just-” He rubbed his hand across his brow.

Alexandra’s heart stopped as he reminded her of Cullen when he had seemed overworked from training the soldiers.  But she was distracted as she felt something pushed into her hand.

“Please forgive my clumsiness, my lady.” He said, regaining his balance.

“Are you alright?” Magister Alexius asked, concern evident on his face.

“I am fine, father.” Felix said.

“Come.  Let me get your powders.  We will have to continue this another time.”  The last was directed at Alexandra as the magister led his son out of the tavern.

Once she was sure that the magister and his guards were gone, Alexandra opened her hand to see what it was that Felix had pushed into it.

“Come to the Chantry, you are in danger.”  Alexandra read out loud.  Cassandra looked at her with one eyebrow raised.

“Wait-” Varric held up his hand “there was a time when we were not in danger?”

Alexandra snorted before placing the note in her pocket.

 

\-----

 

 _When are the blasted representatives from the Inquisition going to get here?_ Dorian thought to himself.  He was in the Chantry and by all accounts it was a pretty building, little dirty for his tastes but that was neither here nor there.  He was far more concerned with the giant rift that had spawned in the center of the chapel.  Blasted demons just kept coming.  Just when he thought they would never arrive, he heard the large doors behind him bang open.

“About time you got here!” Dorian said as he finished off the demon in front of him and turned to the new arrivals.  “Fancy giving me a giving me a hand?”

They made short work of the remaining demons.  The Herald of Andraste was a formidable fighter.  Her spells flew around the chapel with a force he had not seen before.  Once the demons were dispatched, she reached her hand up towards the rift and a brilliant green light shot out, hitting the rift and closing it.

“Fascinating!  How does that work exactly?” He asked turning to the Herald.

The Herald pulled her hand back towards herself and shrugged her shoulders.

“You have no idea do you?  You just wave you hand and boom!  The rift closes.” Dorian smiled.

“Who are you?” She asked, the suspicion evident in her voice.

“Getting ahead of myself again, I see.  Dorian of house Parvis, most recently of Minrathous, how do you do.”  Dorian swept into a small bow.

The Herald took a visible step back, her eyes going wide.   _Interesting_.  Dorian thought.  She seemed afraid and angry at the same time.  

“A Tevinter.  Be cautious with this one.” One of the Herald companions spoke, he thought he heard one of them call her Cassandra during the battle.

“Suspicious friends you have here.  Magister Alexius was once my mentor so my assistance should be valuable.” Dorian nodded at the Herald.  

“I was expecting to see Felix, where is he?”  the Herald stood a little straighter as she spoke.

“I’m sure he is on his way.  He was to give you the note and then meet us here after dealing with his father.”  Dorian said.

The Heralds eyes widened.  “It was you that sent the note.”

Dorian nodded.

“Alexandra…” the dwarf said slight warning in his voice addressing the Herald.

“Are you a Magister?” Alexandra cut him off.

“Alright, let’s get one thing straight.  I am a mage from Tevinter but not a member of the Magisterium.  I know southerners use the terms interchangeably but it only makes you sound like barbarians.” Dorian huffed.

“Hmm.” Alexandra’s eyes narrowed.  “Stop talking like you are waiting for applause and tell me what is going on here.”

“What, there’s no applause?” Dorian joked but stopped when he saw the look on the Herald’s face.  “Fine.  You must know there is danger.  That should have been obvious even without the note.”

The dwarf snorted.

“Varric.” This time it was the Herald with warning in her voice.

“Well, let’s start with Alexius claiming the allegiance of the mage rebels right out from under you.  As if by magic, yes?  Which is exactly right.  To reach Redcliff before the Inquisition, Alexius distorted time itself.” Dorian continued.

“What?  How is that even possible?  He must have desperately needed to get here right after the Divine’s death at the Conclave.” Alexandra said.

“You catch on quick.” Dorian smiled but the Herald just glared at him. “You saw for yourself the rift here.  Did you notice how it seemed to twist time, sped some areas up and slowed others down?  Soon there will be more like it.  They will appear further and further away from Redcliff.  The magic Alexius is using is wildly unstable and it is unravelling the world.”

“That is incredibly dangerous!  Fucking Tevinters.”  Alexandra said the last practically under her breath but Dorian heard it all the same.

“Hey!  Standing right here.” He said.

“Yes, you are.  Why is it that when something goes boom or is considered ‘wildly unstable’ there is a Tevinter behind it?”  Alexandra spat out.

Cassandra placed a hand on the Herald’s shoulder.  “Alexandra…”

The Herald looked at Cassandra and clenched her fists.  “Where is your proof?  I would like a bit more than ‘wild time control, just go with it.’” Alexandra stated.

“I know what I am talking about!  I helped develop the magic when I was still his apprentice.  It was pure theory.  Alexius could never get it to work!” Dorian protested.

“So you helped develop it?  Great, I feel so much better.”  Alexandra replied sarcastically.

“What I don’t understand is why he is doing it.  Ripping time to shreds just to gain a few hundred lackeys?  It doesn’t make sense.” Dorian continued as though he hadn’t heard her.  It was a defence he used often.

“He didn’t do it for them,” Felix said as he joined them.  

“Took you long enough!  Is he getting suspicious?” Dorian asked.

“No.  But I shouldn’t have played the illness card.  I thought he would be fussing over me all day.”  Felix said then turned to the Herald.  “My father has joined a cult.  Tevinter supremacists.  They call themselves the Venatori.  And I can tell you one thing:  whatever he has done for them, he has done it to get to you.”

“Why me?  And why are you telling me this?  Whatever he might have done he is your father and you are Tevinter as well.” Alexandra asked.

“For the same reason Dorian works against him.  I love my father and I love my country.  But this?  Cults?  Time magic?  What he is doing now is madness.  For his own sake, you have to stop him.” Felix answered.

“It would also be nice if he didn’t rip a hole in time.”  Dorian added.

“But why would he go to such lengths just to get to me?” Alexandra asked.

“They are obsessed with you.  I don’t know why.  Perhaps because you survived the Temple of Sacred Ashes?” Felix said.

“You can close the rifts.  Maybe there is a connection?  Or they just see you as a threat.”  Dorian thought aloud.

“If the Venatori are behind those rifts or the Breach in the sky, they are even worse than I thought.” Felix sighed.

Alexandra sighed.  Dorian wondered what she must be thinking of all of this.  It was a lot to take in.

“Well, I know one thing.” She said.  “We cannot let this stand.  We must do something.  I am his target so he must have other plans.  But I think we have some time.  We need to go back to Haven and create a plan of our own.”

“Well, Alexius doesn’t know that I am here and I would like to keep it that way.  But when you are ready to face him, I want to be there.  I’ll be in touch.”  With that Dorian headed out of the Chantry, leaving the Herald and the others staring after him.  Oh how he did love an audience.

 

\--------

 

Back at Haven, Alexandra felt her emotions were once again all over the place.  Cassandra had called a meeting and Alexandra knew she needed to go to the Chantry to meet the others but she wasn’t sure what she should say.  Alexius clearly needed to be stopped.  But who was this Dorian and should she trust him?  

“Herald!” Alexandra looked up and saw Cassandra motioning her to the Chantry.  Guess time was up.

 

\-------

 

Cullen started in as soon as they walked in the door.

“We don’t have the manpower to take Redcliff Castle.  Either we find another way in or we give up this nonsense and go after the Templars.”  Cullen said.

Alexandra opened her mouth to contradict him but Cassandra beat her to it.

“Redcliff is in the hands of a Tevinter Magister.  This cannot be allowed to stand.”  She said silencing Cullen.

“Before you even returned we received a letter from Alexius asking for the Herald of Andraste by name.  It is obviously a trap.”  Josephine argued.

“Fighting will get us nowhere.  We have to agree on a solution.”  Alexandra interrupted before Cassandra could speak again.

“A Tevinter magister controls Redcliff, invites us to the castle to talk and some of us want to do nothing?” Leliana seemed to be speaking directly to Josephine.

“Not this again.”  Josephine sighed.

“Redcliff Castle is one of the most defensible fortresses in Ferelden.  It has withstood thousands of assaults!  If you go in there, you’ll die and we’ll lose the only means we have of closing these rifts!  I won’t allow it!” Cullen said.

Alexandra inhaled quickly.   _Glad to know you only see me as a way to seal the rifts.  Guess I am not even a person to you.  I am a mage after all._ She thought.   _Well, it was not like anything was ever going to happen between us, anyway._

“And if we don’t even try to meet with Alexius, we lose the mages and leave a hostile power on our doorstep,”  Leliana argued.

“Even if we could assault the keep, an Orlesian Inquisition army marching into Ferelden would provoke a war!” Josephine argued.  “Our hands are tied.”

“The magister-” Cassandra started.

“Has outplayed us.” Cullen finished.

“I refuse to let some Tevinter magister invade Ferelden and I refuse to just abandon the rebel mages to whatever he has planned!  I WILL NOT stand by and watch that happen!” Alexandra glared at Cullen and Josephine as she spoke.  “I know what magisters are capable of and I will never abandon a fellow elf, human, dwarf or qunari to one.”

“Herald, with no way in, we have no options,” Cullen responded.

“There has to be another way into the castle.  Some secret tunnel or boat or something to provide an escape should the castle fall.”  Alexandra replied.

“Wait, there is a secret passage into the castle!  The Hero of Ferelden used it during the blight to enter the castle.  It is too narrow for our troops but we could send some of my agents through.” Leliana said

“Too risky.” Cullen spoke before Alexandra had a chance to. “Any agents would be discovered well before they reach the magister.”

“Sounds like we need a distraction.  Something to keep the magister and his men busy while our agents sneak into the castle.” Alexandra said hoping they were on to something.

“Perhaps the envoy Alexius wants so badly?” Leliana suggested.

“It could work, focus their attention on Alexandra while we take out the Tevinters.  But it’s risky.” Cullen shook his head.

“I like the sound of this plan,”  Alexandra said.

Suddenly the door banged open and Dorian walked in.

“Thankfully you will have help,” Dorian said as he walked in, followed by one of the Inquisition's guards.

“This man says he has information about the magister’s methods.” the guard said before Cullen nodded and waved him out.

“Your spies will never get past Alexius’s magic without my help.  So if you are going after him, I am coming along.”  Dorian said.

“Let’s do it.”  She said.  She was not about to say no to any chance to help the mages or destroy a magister’s plans.

Cullen stiffened.  “You are risking too much!  If this plan fails, we will be unable to close the numerous rifts that were opened with the Breach not to mention the Breach itself!  It would make more sense to go after the Templars and only after gaining them, go after Redcliff.”

Alexandra turned to Cullen, her gaze cold “Don’t worry, I will protect your precious rift sealer.” She held up her hand.  “But this cannot be allowed to stand.”

 

\------

 

 _We’ll lose our only chance of closing the rifts?  Why did I say that?_ Cullen stood by his tent, watching but not seeing the troops train in front of him.  Alexandra was off readying for her trip to Redcliff and Leliana was sorting out who she would send.  Maker knows what Josephine was doing, probably writing a letter that would bend some noble to her will.

Cullen huffed and crossed his arms.  He did not like this plan.  It put the Herald in too much danger.  And when he was worried he said things he did not mean.  Sure, the Herald was their only way of closing the rifts but she was more than that.  She was beautiful and sometimes she almost seemed like a force of nature but other times she was as quiet and calm as could be.

Cullen had watched her in the weeks since the Breach had opened, as she had run about the camp, talking to everyone, helping where she could.  He had seen her search through the old apothecary’s hut looking for his notes so Aedon, the new apothecary, could use them.  He had seen her help the requisition officer find better armor and weapons for their troops. She really seemed to care about the people of the Inquisition.  The coldness of her gaze earlier seemed to contradict what he had seen in the weeks prior.

“Sir?” the lieutenant next to him asked.

“Hmm?” Cullen looked over at him and noticed the lieutenant was holding out a report for Cullen to view.

“Thank you.” Cullen took the report.   _Focus, you are no good if you are distracted.  She will come back._

Cullen didn’t know why he cared.  He just knew he didn’t want her to die and it was more than just the mark on her hand.

 

\-----

 

Traveling to Redcliff was a lot easier than it was before.  It seems Alexandra and her group had taken out many of the rogue mages and templars that were roaming around the area.  Alexandra had decided to take Dorian, Cassandra and Varric with her.  She still didn’t trust Dorian but thought it would be better to have him close than far.  But he did sneak off before they entered the main part of the castle stating he didn’t want his presence to give the game away.

Upon entering the castle they were greeting by what she could only assume was the chamberlain and several guards.

“The magisters invitation was for mistress Lavallen alone.  The rest will wait here” He stated.

“Where I go, they go.  They are coming with me.  Unless you want to tell Magister Alexius that I came but was denied entry on account of my companions?”  Alexandra said.

“Fine.” He folded, motioning her to follow him.  He led them into the throne room where Alexius was seated on the throne with his son standing next to him.

“Welcome!”  Alexius raised his hand in greeting.  “It is so good to see you again my friend.”

Alexandra cringed inwardly at both seeing him on the throne and at being called his friend but she knew she had to maintain her calm.

“And your associates as well, of course.  I am sure we can work out a solution that is equitable to all parties.” He smiled as he stood.

“Are we mages to have no voice in deciding our fate?” Fiona appeared next to Cassandra.  

“Fiona, you would not have turned your followers over to my care if you did not trust me with their lives.” Alexius turned to Fiona.

“Yes, I am sure it was trust.  You just have one of those faces.”  Alexandra added sarcastically.   _So much for being cool and neutral._ She thought to herself.

“Yes….the Magisterium tells me that so often.” Alexius threw back.  “Now shall we begin our talks?”

Alexandra nodded and Alexius sat back down on the throne.

“The Inquisition needs mages and I have them.  What will you give me in return?” Alexius asked.

“Nothing.”  Alexandra smiled.  “I am just going to take the mages and leave.”

“And how do you imagine you will accomplish such a feat?”  Alexius sneered.

“Father, they know everything,” Felix said.

“Felix, what have you done?” Alexius asked turning to his son.

“I’ve know it was a trap from the beginning.  You wanted me here.  Well, here I am, maybe now, we can find out why.”  Alexandra said, taking a step forward.

“Do you have any idea what you are?”  Alexius asked, all pretense gone.  “You walk into this stronghold with your stolen mark, a gift you don’t even understand, and you think you are in control?  You are nothing but a mistake!”

“What do you know about this mark on my hand?”  Alexandra held up her hand.  “And what of the Divine’s death, what do you know of that?”

“In the Elder One’s moment you, unworthy to even stand in his presence, had the gall to ruin it,”  Alexius stated.

“Father!  Do you know what you sound like?”  Felix asked, stepping toward his father.

“He sounds exactly like the villainous cliche everyone expects us to be,”  Dorian said as he joined them from the shadows.

“Dorian,” Alexius narrowed his eyes.  “I gave you a chance to be a part of this, you turned me down.  The Elder One has power you would not believe, he will raise the Imperium from its own ashes.”

“All the more reason to stop this Elder One, whoever he is.”  Alexandra spat back.

“He will make the world bow to mages once more!”  Alexius continued as though Alexandra hadn’t spoken.  “We will rule from the Boric Ocean to the Frozen Seas.”

“You cannot make my people a part of this!”  Fiona yelled.

“Alexius!  This is exactly what you and I talked about never wanting to happen!  Why would you support this?”  Dorian demanded.

“Father, give up the Venatori, let the southern mages fight the Breach and let’s go home.”  Felix pleaded.

“No, it’s the only way, Felix.  He can save you.”  Alexius turned to his son.

“Save me?!” Felix exclaimed.

“There is a way.  The Elder One promised, if I undo the mistake at the temple.” Alexius turned his gaze on Alexandra.

“I am going to die, you need to accept that,”  Felix said.

“Seize them, Venatori!  The Elder One demands this woman’s life!” Alexius pointed at Alexandra.

Suddenly, grunts and cries of pain could be heard from the guards around the hall as Leliana’s agents did what they were sent there to do and the Venatori guards fell to the ground, dead.

“Alexius,” Alexandra spoke.  “Your men are dead.  You will not win this one.  Stand down.”

“You are a mistake!  You should never have happened!”  Alexius spat out as he raised his hand and a green amulet lit up in his hand.

“Nooo!”  Dorian shouted throwing a spell straight at Alexius, knocking him off balance.  A portal opened right next to Alexandra and Dorian, sucking them both in.

\------

 

Alexandra opened her eyes and took a deep breath only to have water rush down her throat.   _Maker!_  She thought. Sitting up, pulling her head from the water, she started coughing trying to rid her lungs of the foul liquid, for it did not taste like any water she had had before.

“That way foul!” She said when she could finally speak.

“Heads up, Herald!”  Dorian yelled as two guards ran in.

The two guards were not much of a match for Dorian and Alexandra so the battle was over quickly.

“What did you do?!”  Alexandra turned to Dorian as soon as the last guard fell.

“What did I do?  I kept Alexius from doing what he intended because I am guessing this is not it.” Dorian hissed back.  “I imagine he was trying to destroy you completely not move us here, wherever here is.” He looked around. “This must be the closest confluence of arcane energy?” He mused.

Alexandra glared at him.  “Last I remember we were in the castle hall and this looks like some…”  She waved her hand around “Dungeon.”

“Let’s see… if we are still the castle...but it isn’t...of course!” Dorian smiled.  “It is not just where but when!  Alexius must have used the amulet as a focus and moved us through time!”

“How is that even possible?  And when are we, then?”  Alexandra crossed her arms.

“I would say the evidence around us says that it is possible” Dorian waved his hand around this time.  “Let’s look around and see if we can find out when and where we are that way we might be able to find a way back.”

“Wait!  Could Cassandra, Varric and the others in the hall have been pulled through Alexius’s spell too?”  Alexandra asked.

“I doubt it was big enough.  The rift he created was fairly small, I imagine he didn’t want to pull himself or Felix in.  I would say that we are probably the only ones pulled in.” Dorian said.

 _Good._ Alexandra thought.   _At least the others are safe outside of wherever this is._

“So since you know so much about this, I imagine you have a plan that will get us back to where and when we were?”  Alexandra asked.

“I do have some thoughts on that.  Pretty little thoughts, like little jewels.” Dorian smiled but Alexandra was not amused.

“Really?” She asked.

“Let me think on it,” Dorian replied as they started to make their way out of the cell they were in.

The dungeon was a maze of rooms and everything was coated in this bizarre red crystals.

“Do you have any idea what this is?” Alexandra asked Dorian as they walked.

“No….” He said before pausing to look at some.  “It almost feels like lyrium but it feels wrong.  I feel like I can almost hear it.”

Alexandra stopped in her tracks and turned to Dorian.  “I thought it was only me!  I thought- nevermind what I thought.  What do you feel?”  She asked.

Dorian looked at her for a moment before speaking.   “Like it is whispering but it is just a little too quiet for me to hear.”

“As though you want to strain to hear it but are not sure if you really want to?” Alexandra asked and he nodded.

Alexandra turned back to a piece of the crystal that was jutting out of the wall.  She felt as though she wanted to touch it but it gave her a bad feeling as well.  Clenching her fist, she turned from the red crystal.  “Let’s get moving.  I don’t like this feeling.”

 _It is as though it is calling to me._ Alexandra thought as they passed more of the crystals.   _But there is evil there.  At least I know that I am not the only one who feels it._ She glanced at Dorian who was checking to see if there were any more guards around the corner.   _He is not going straight for the crystals and he hasn’t done anything to make me doubt his honesty.  Except be a Tevinter!_ Alexandra argued with herself.  

“Alexandra!  I found Cassandra!” Dorian called from ahead.  Alexandra didn’t realize that her deliberations had slowed her pace. _Focus Lavellan!_

“Cassandra!” Alexandra called as she rounded the bend and saw Cassandra sitting in one of the many cells.  But something was very wrong.  Cassandra’s eyes were red and a weird red light emanated from her.  “What-what happened?” Alexandra asked.

“You have returned to us.”  Cassandra looked at her in wonder.  “Can it be?  Has Andraste given us another chance?”

“What do you mean?” Alexandra asked.

“Maker forgive me, I failed you, I failed everyone!”  Cassandra shook her head sadly.  “The end must truly be upon us if the dead return to life.”

“I have not returned from the dead.  I am alive.  The rift didn’t kill me so much as…” Alexandra looked at Dorian “moved me?”

“I was there.  The magister obliterated you with a gesture!”  Cassandra cried.

“I wasn’t obliterated.  The amulet sent us here, forward in time.”  Alexandra explained.

“Yes, if we find Alexius and his amulet, we may be able to return to the present,” Dorian added.

“Go back in time?  So then can you make it so none of this ever took place?” Cassandra asked coming to stand at the bars to her cell.

“IF Dorian is right.” Alexandra threw a look his way.  “Then if we can get to Alexius, get the amulet and activate it, we should be able to return to our present and hopefully stop all of this from ever happening,”  Alexandra explained.

“After you died, we could not stop the elder one from rising.  Empress Celene was murdered and the Elder One raised an army of demons that crushed everything in their path.” Cassandra lamented.

“I should have been there to help you.” Alexandra rested her hand on the bars.

“You are here now,” Cassandra said.

Alexandra cleared her throat and swung open the door to Cassandra’s cell.

“Come on, I want to see if anyone else is down here.” Alexandra motioned to Dorian and Cassandra as she headed toward another block of cells.

Alexandra did not have to go far before seeing a familiar dwarf sitting in the back of a cell.

“Varric!” Alexandra swung open the door to Varric’s cell and knelt before him.

“Andraste’s sacred knickers!  You’re alive!” Varric exclaimed.  “Where were you?  How did you escape?”

“We didn’t escape, Alexius sent us into the future.” Dorian replied as Alexandra seemed at a loss for words.  Varric’s eyes were the same color as Cassandra’s and he gave off the same red light.

“Everything that happens to you is weird,” Varric said.

Alexandra laughed.  “I am glad you are alive Varric, how would I deal without your comic relief?”

“So what are you doing here?  Or did you come back just to listen to my jokes?”  Varric asked.

“Not that that wouldn’t be a worthy reason, but I am here to get back to our present and hopefully beat the crap out of Alexius in the bargain.” Alexandra replied.

“That may not be as simple as you think.  Alexius is just a servant.  His Elder One assassinated Empress Celene and led a demon army on an invasion of the south.  The Elder One rules everything, well what’s left of it anyway.  Alexius...he is not really who you need to worry about.”  Varric warned.

“Well, if it is alright with you I will take my enemies one at a time.  First, take down Alexius then deal with this Elder One, whoever he is.  You have my word Varric, I will stop all of this from happening if it is the last thing I do.”  Alexandra swore.

“Well, I am pretty sure you’re crazy.  Or I am.  Either way it is a nice thought.”  Varric shrugged.  “But if you are headed to take on Alexius, I’m in.  Let’s go.”

 

\-----

Most of the other cells were empty.  They encountered some of the mages they had seen when they first came to Redcliff.  All with red eyes and giving off the same red glow that emanated from Cassandra and Varric.  Alexandra opened any cell that was occupied but many of the residents just stared at her and made no move to exit their cells.  Alexandra and her companions ended up leaving them there in hopes that if they hurried forward they could save the prisoners before they were even put in the cells.

Alexandra, Dorian, Varric and Cassandra had almost made their way out of the dungeon when they saw something that chilled Alexandra to the bone.  Fiona was locked in a cell near the exit to the dungeon but it was what was growing out of her that really scared Alexandra.  The red crystals were growing out of her in such a way that half of her body was gone.  As they drew closer, Fiona turned to look at them.

“How?  I saw you disappear into the rift?” Fiona asked, her voice weak and strange.

“What happened to you?”  Alexandra asked moving even closer.

“Red lyrium.  It is a disease.  The longer….you are near it...eventually it becomes this.” Fiona rested her head on a crystal of red lyrium as though the effort of holding her head up was too much.  “Then they mine your corpse for more.”

“What is the date?  It is very important.” Dorian asked.

“9:42 Dragon.” Fiona wheezed out.

“Maker’s breath, a whole year has passed!” Dorian exclaimed.

“I am so sorry I was not there to help…”  Alexandra lamented.

“The Elder One is...more powerful….than the Maker.  No one...challenges him….and lives.” Fiona spoke.

“You have my word, I will make Alexius pay.  Then I will figure out how to deal with this Elder One.”  Alexandra promised.

“Your...spymaster...is here.  Somewhere...in the dungeon.” Fiona spoke nodding slightly to the door near her cell.

“Thank you, Fiona.” Alexandra nodded and then turned towards the door.  It took all the strength she had not to turn back around and try to free Fiona.  But she knew that the only way to save Fiona and all the others is if this future never came to pass and for that, she needed to get to Leliana and Alexius.

Moving away from Fiona, Alexandra headed down the only corridor left that she and Dorian had not explored yet.  It was not long before they were assaulted with the foulest of odors and it only grew stronger the further they walked.

“What is this?” Dorian asked as he covered his nose.

“Guess your pampered ass has never had to deal with anything like this before,” Alexandra smirked.

Dorian glared at her.  “Just because I have never had to deal with it before doesn’t mean I can’t deal with it now.”

“Hmm.” Alexandra looked around.  The were in what was obviously the torture section of the dungeon.  Alexandra could smell the blood and filth.  I was even wet, the walls seemed to almost be bleeding.  But Alexandra knew that it was probably just raining outside.  Still, the smell of blood and damp earth assaulted her nose and she had to cover it.  She had to keep her memories in check.

“Not as unaffected as you seemed!”  Dorian pointed out and Alexandra ignored him.

“If you two are done sniping at each other, we should find Leliana.” Cassandra pointed out.

Alexandra nodded and they began to look around for any sign of Leliana or where she was being held.  Upon opening one of the adjoining doors, Alexandra saw a sight that chilled her to the bone.  Cullen was strapped to the table in the middle of the room but she almost didn’t recognize him.  Dried blood covered half his face, stemming from a number of cuts all over his face.  His body was broken and mangled in ways no human body should ever bend.  Moving closer to him she could see red lyrium under the table and it was growing up into his body and had consumed his left hip and chest.

“Alex…?” Alexandra jumped at the sound of Cullen’s voice.

“Cullen!” Alexandra placed her hand on his right arm as it seemed to be the only place he was not hurt.  “Cullen, I am so sorry.  I am going to make this right.  We will get you out of here, get that out of you.” Alexandra looked back at the door but her companions were out of sight.

“Alex.” Cullen’s voice had the same odd note to it that Alexandra had heard in Fiona’s voice.  “You were gone….my fears…”

“I know, you were right about how risky it was-” Alexandra stopped as Cullen spoke again.

“I feared for your...life.” Alexandra froze as he continued to speak.  “I am sorry, I was...harsh.  When you didn’t…” Cullen seized as the red lyrium pulsed.

“He is dying.” Cassandra’s voice came from the doorway.

Alexandra looked up and saw all her companions staring at her.  “We have to help him!” Alexandra cried.

“So far as I know, once the red lyrium takes hold there is only one way to help.”  Varric said sadly.

“You can’t be serious!”  Dorian exclaimed.  “While he lives he still has a chance.”

“You have not seen what we have seen!”  Cassandra turned on him.  “Once the red lyrium is in him, it is over.  But he might take days to die.”

“You are clearly affected by it but you still walk and talk.” Dorian pointed out.

“But we are dead men walking.” Varric sighed.  Looking at Alexandra he spoke “There is only one way we live.”

 _If this never happens._  Alexandra thought to herself.  Turning back to Cullen, his eyes were on her.

“I am...glad you lived.” His voice broke with each word as though just speaking hurt.

A tear escaped Alexandra’s eye and slid down her cheek.  “I am sorry you had to go through this, but I will stop him and I will keep this future from ever happening.” She swore.

Cullen lips moved in the words ‘thank you’  but no sound came out.  He closed his eyes and Alexandra felt his hand squeeze hers very lightly.  Alexandra pulled a dagger out of her boot with her other hand.

“You aren’t really going to do this, are you?”  Dorian asked.

Alexandra ignored him and moved the dagger directly over Cullen’s heart, thankfully it was still free of red lyrium.  

“Lucky, if you need me to-” Varric offered but was cut off by Alexandra shaking her head.  With one swift move she sent the knife through Cullen’s heart.  Alexandra wanted to scream.  It felt as though her own heart had been stabbed as well.

Alexandra stood, realizing she was now covered in Cullen’s blood.   _Seems fitting.  There is always so much blood._ She thought almost numbly as she walked past her companions and out the door.

They continued their search for Leliana in silence, finding her a short time later in a different section of the torture rooms.  She was hanging from the ceiling and being interrogated.  Just as Alexandra walked in Leliana used the distraction to wrap her legs around the interrogators neck and snap it.  Alexandra grabbed the guard’s keys and freed Leliana.

“You’re alive.” Leliana narrowed her eyes at Alexandra.

“And you are just barely.”  Alexandra looked at Leliana.  It was clear that she had under the interrogator’s ‘care’ for a long time.  But she was still strong as she walked over to the weapons rack in the corner and grabbed a bow and arrows.

“The magister’s probably in his chambers.”  Leliana headed for the door.

“You aren’t curious how we got here?”  Dorian asked.

“No.”  Leliana answered not slackening her pace.

“Alexius sent us here into the future.  This, his victory, his Elder One-It was never meant to be.” Dorian explained.  “We have to reverse his spell.  If we can get back to our time, we can stop all this from happening.”

“And mages always wonder why people fear them…” Leliana shook her head.  “No one should have this power.”  

“It is dangerous and unpredictable.  Before the Breach, nothing we did-” Dorian started.

“Enough!”  Leliana shouted.  “This is all pretend to you, some future you hope will never come to pass.  But it is real to me, real to us.”  She indicated Cassandra and Varric.  “I suffered, the whole world suffered.”

“So spread the pain.  Let’s show Alexius all he inflicted on you.  Let us what desperation makes of us and then let’s stop him.” Alexandra said, feeling her own anger grow.

Leliana nodded and Dorian just stared at Alexandra.

 

******

 

Upon reaching Alexius’s chambers, they found him staring into a fire at the end of the room.  

“Bastard!  How could you do this!” Alexandra shouted.

“I knew you would appear.  Not that it would be now, but I knew I hadn’t destroyed you.” Alexius sighed, not even turning around.  “My final failure.”

“Was it worth it?  Everything you did to the world, to yourself?”  Dorian asked.

“It doesn’t matter now.  All we can do is wait for the end.” Alexius sighed again.

Alexandra wasn’t sure what was going on.  He sounded so defeated, lost.  “What are you talking about?  You did this!  How can you say all of this suffering ‘doesn’t matter’?”

“The irony that you would appear now of all times…” Alexius shook his head.  “All that I fought for, all that I betrayed, and for what?  Ruin and death is all that is left.  The Elder One comes for me, for you, for us all.”

Suddenly, Leliana appeared out of the shadows and grabbed a pale sickly creature of a man that had been crouching next to Alexius.

“Felix!” Alexius shouted.

“That is Felix!”  Dorian exclaimed.  “Alexius, what have you done?”

“He would have died, Dorian!  I saved him!”  Alexius replied.  “Please don’t hurt my son!  I’ll do anything you ask!”

“He is not your son anymore!  Look at him, you didn’t save him, you turned him into a monster!”  Alexandra shouted.

“I want my world back!”  Leliana spat at Alexius and pulled her knife across Felix’s throat, ending his life and sending Alexius into a rage.

When Alexius was finally subdued, he was dead.  Alexandra stood over him as Dorian grabbed the amulet that had started this nightmare.  Blood dripped into Alexandra’s eye from a gash above her head and left arm was numb from where the demon summoned by Alexius had slammed her into the stone walls of the chamber.

“The sod wanted to die, didn’t he?”  Dorian sighed.  “All those lies he told himself, the justifications...he lost Felix long ago and didn’t even notice.”

“That does not give him the right for this.”  Alexandra motioned around with her good arm.

“I am not justifying him, just….” Dorian returned but was cut off by a loud roar that shook the room.  “What the-”

“The Elder One.” Leliana spoke.  “You must go now.”

“I need and hour with this amulet and I should be able to get us back.” Dorian said.

“An hour?!  That’s impossible!  You must go now.  He will not wait while you study that amulet.”  Leliana replied.

“He’s coming.” Cassandra looked at the door to the chamber.

Varric looked up at Cassandra and she nodded.  “We will hold them off as long as we can.  Red, you are the last line.” Varric said and Leliana nodded as well.

“Varric….” Alexandra paused, she felt like she was going to cry.  She didn’t want to watch them die.

“I told you, Lucky, dead men walking.  Only chance we have is if you can stop this day from ever happening.” Varric smiled at her and turned to the door.

“You have as long as I have arrows.”  Leliana said before going to stand by the door.

Dorian worked on his spell, mumbling incantations as the amulet lit up.  All Alexandra could do was watch him work and watch Leliana fight.  If she moved too far away from Dorian she wouldn’t be pulled back when he succeeded and if she cast a spell next to him, it would disrupt his spell.  She had never felt so helpless before.  Watching first as Varric was killed and then as Cassandra and Leliana were torn to pieces.  

“Dorian!” Alexandra yelled as the demons controlled by the Elder One drew closer.

“Got it!” Dorian yelled and they were sucked back through by the magic of the amulet.

Blinding flash of white and they were back in the entry hall to Redcliff castle, staring at Alexius and Felix, surrounded by his dead guards.

“It’s going to take a bit more than that to get rid of us.”  Dorian smiled at Alexius as the Inquisition agents grabbed Alexius and took him away.

Alexandra felt like she couldn’t breathe.  They had done it.  They were back in their time.

Fiona walked us to her.  “What now?  What do you intend to do with us?”  She asked.

“I offer you a full alliance.” Alexandra said and could practically hear the disapproval radiating off Cassandra.  “Come to Haven, help us close the Breach.”

“A generous offer, considering the circumstances.  I see no reason to decline.”  With that Fiona left.

 

*******

 

The journey back to Haven was quiet.  Fiona was to follow in a day or two with the rebel mages but Alexandra, Cassandra, Varric and Dorian headed out straight away.

“What the hell happen in the castle?” Varric asked.

Alexandra remained silent as Dorian explained about the dark future they had seen.  But Varric stared at Alexandra as Dorian spoke.

The journey was not very long but felt like a thousand years to Alexandra.  When they finally reached Haven, Alexandra disappeared into the woods around while the others were unloading the horses.

When Alexandra was finally alone, she crumpled to her knees.  Images of Varric, Leliana and Cassandra dying and most of all Cullen’s death flew through her head.  She had let them die.  She had killed Cullen herself.  The last thought sent her over the edge and she fell to the ground sobbing.  She had felt so helpless to save any of them.  Now she faced all they had faced and knew that she could not let the Elder One win.


	4. Once More Into The Breach

Cullen stood over the war table, looking over the report of Alexandra’s trip to Redcliffe.  _ Assassination?  A demon army?  Who is this Elder One?  Was he the shadowy figure Cassandra described from the temple?  _  Cullen thought as he stared at the markers on the war table.  They hadn’t really had a chance to have a proper strategy session after Alexandra’s return from Redcliffe.  But it seemed like there were more questions than answers.  But now that they had the mages, it was time to close the Breach.  After that had been achieved, they would discuss all that Alexandra had discovered in the horrific past she spoke of.

 

******

 

Some hours later, Cullen watched Alexandra as she crouched at the edge of the lake outside Haven.  She was staring at the mountains.  Her eyes seem unfocused, as though it were not the mountains she was gazing at but something else entirely.  She looked so lonely, as though she were an island.  Cullen continued to stare at her, not giving his men the attention they probably deserved as they trained near him.   _ What happened in Redcliffe?  _  He thought.  Alexandra’s and Dorian’s report cover much but he felt like it did not explain her mood since she returned.  She seemed to spend so much time staring off into space.   _ Maybe she is just having trouble absorbing the impending assassination of the Empress of Orlais and the demon army they will have to face. _  Cullen thought.  But he could not shake the feeling that there was something more going on.

“Continue with the men, Lieutenant.  Run drills 12 through 24.  I will return shortly.”  Cullen barked at his lieutenant.   _ Perhaps Dorian will have more information.   _ Cullen thought as he headed toward to tavern in search of Dorian.

 

*******

 

“Ahh Commander!” Dorian waved as Cullen walked into the tavern.  “Here to toast the mages joining your cause?”  Dorian asked smiling.

“Looking for you, actually.” Cullen said as he sat down opposite Dorian.

“Oh?  And to what do I owe the pleasure?” Dorian asked leaning back in his chair.

“I wanted to ask you about...your and the Heralds trip to Redcliffe,”  Cullen said.

“And what does the Commander of the Inquisition desire to know that he could not get from the report?”  Dorian asked before taking a drink from his cup.

“I have noticed that the Herald….well….she seems different since she came back.”  Cullen rubbed his hands together under the table.   _ Why am I so nervous? _  He thought to himself.

“What makes you say that?”  Dorian asked.

“Well, she… seems to spend most of her time lost in thought and I don’t see her really talking to anyone, other than for reports and the like since she returned.  I was wondering if there was something else that happened that was not in the report that might explain what is going on with her…”  Cullen trailed off at the look on Dorian’s face.

“Why my dear commander, I do believe you care.”  Dorian smiled.

“What?  No!  I mean, I-I care that the Herald has her mind on the task at hand.  Nothing more.”  Cullen felt his face grow warm, a sure sign that he was blushing.

“Oh, of course!”  Dorian smiled but it slipped as he continued.  “But I am not the one to alleviate your fears.  If you want to know what else happened, you will need to talk to the Herald herself.  For it is not for me to tell you.”

Cullen stared at Dorian  _ So there is something that is not in the report!   _ He thought as he nodded to Dorian and rose from the table.   _ What could have happened?  She has been avoiding me and everyone else since her return.  It is as though she is closing herself off from all of us, but why?  We should be working together to stop this Elder One, not moving apart.   _ He was still lost in thought when he returned to where his men were training.  His talk with Dorian had been so short that they were not even a quarter of the way through the drills he had assigned.

_ Do I care more than I thought? _  Cullen thought to himself.   _ I mean, she has the only means of closing the rifts so she is vital to closing the Breach.   _ But Cullen knew that if he were honest with himself, that was not the only reason he cared what happened to the Herald.

He thought back to when she was getting ready to go to Redcliffe, he had worried then as well.  He had been so worried while she was gone and happy to see her return only to return to worry when she disappeared upon her return and then talked to almost no one.  Cullen had to admit to himself:  He did care.  He cared a lot.   _ But now is hardly the time to focus on such things!  Close the Breach, then worry about what comes next.  There will be time after to talk about such things. _  Cullen nodded to himself before focusing back on his men.  Tomorrow, they were going to try again to close the Breach, they must be ready.

 

*******

 

Alexandra sat on the dock looking out over the frozen lake next to their camp at Haven.  It was so early in the morning that the morning light had yet to reach her, but there were hints of dawn on the horizon.   _ Dawn is almost here.   _ She thought.   _ I didn’t sleep again and today is the day we try to close the Breach.   _ Alexandra looked over her shoulder at Cullen’s tent, undoubtedly the commander was still asleep.  Shaking her head she turned back to the lake.  She knew she had been avoiding him since her return from Redcliffe but whenever she saw him, she wanted to cry and that scared her.  She had not know Cullen for very long but already felt such a depth of grief for his death in future Redcliffe.   _ How could I be so attached, so fast?  I have to get ahold of myself.  Love cannot be trusted!  Love?  What am I talking about?  I haven’t known him long enough to love him.  In order to love, one must trust and I will never trust like that again. _  Alexandra continued to argue with herself as the sun rose.    

“Herald!”  A soldier appeared on the hill behind Alexandra.  “Lady Cassandra requests your presence in the war room.”

Alexandra nodded and stood, brushing the snow from her pants.  Her body protested at the movement, after having sat still all the previous day and night.  She turned and headed up the hill toward the Chantry and noticed Cullen waiting at the top.

“Herald.”  He greeted her.

“Commander.”  She nodded her head in turn.  “I hear Cassandra is waiting in the war room.”

“Yes, the mages are ready.  It is time for final preparations and the assault on the Breach.”  Commander Cullen said as they headed toward the Chantry.

Alexandra nodded, not trusting her voice anymore.  Just hearing his brought back images of future Redcliffe and what she was beginning to realize was her greatest fear: Cullen dying in this world too.

“We- we have not had much time to speak since you returned from Redcliffe,”  Cullen said, trying to fill the silence as they walked to the Chantry.

“Yes, my mind has been elsewhere, my apologies.”  Alexandra returned.   _ Maintain control. _  She thought.  She had masked pain before, she just had to do it again.

“Might I ask what...um...what it is that has been occupying your mind?”  Cullen asked as he rubbed the back of his neck with his hand.

_ Maker, he doesn’t give up.   _ Alexandra thought.   _ He just...just...has to be sweet.  I know he is just worried about me neglecting my duties but it is still sweet. _

“Herald?” Cullen asked at her silence.

“Yes!  Sorry, lost in thought again.  I’m fine, just thinking about all that needs to be done.”  Alexandra said as they reached the Chantry.  “Ahh, we’re here.  Better hurry and not keep Cassandra waiting.” 

 

*****

 

Dorian stared at the Herald and the Commander as they walked past him into the Chantry.   _ Maker, they can be so dense sometimes.  It is clear they care about each other but neither can see it.   _ Dorian shook his head.   _ They should just fall into bed together!  They would feel so much better!   _ Dorian knew that what had happened between Alexandra and the Cullen in future Redcliffe had really shaken Alexandra.  She was clearly avoiding Cullen.   _ Wrong move, there.   _ He thought as he followed them into the Chantry.  It was clear something was holding Alexandra back from saying anything, he just wished he knew what.  He had a feeling it was something more than just dealing with the Breach.

 

*****

 

Alexandra stood, staring up at the Breach as the rebel mages and Cullen’s soldiers took their positions around her.  Bringing her head down, she looked at Cassandra and Solas, nodding her head to let them know that she was ready.

“Mages!”  Solas shouted turning to the rebel mages.  “Focus past the Herald!  Let her will draw from you!”

_ I hope this doesn’t kill me.   _ Alexandra thought as she started to move closer to the Breach.  Even with her first step she felt the magic of the Breach pushing her back and it grew stronger with each step she took.  Soon she felt the power of each of the rebel mages flowing through her.  She could feel each and every mage, feel their own magic as it flowed through her and into the mark.  The more magic flowed into her the warmer her hand became, but it didn’t hurt, she was just filled with the ever increasing urge to release the magic through the mark.  Finally, when she stood directly under the Breach, she reached up and released the magic, along with all of her own magic that she could muster.  Bright green lightning shot from her hand hitting the Breach dead on.  It began to distort and shrink before exploding out in a flash of green light, sending Alexandra and everyone else flying.

_ Oww.   _ Alexandra thought, placing her hand on the back of her head as she sat up.

“You did it,”  Cassandra said, offering Alexandra a hand.

Alexandra stood and looked up at the sky, the Breach was gone.  

A huge cheer rose up from the soldiers and mages around them, everyone was smiling.  Alexandra couldn’t help but smile herself.   _ We did it.   _ She thought.

 

*****

 

Alexandra stood just outside the Chantry, watching the celebration.  The mark on her hand tingled.  She rubbed her palm almost absent-mindedly.  It had been tingling since closing the Breach.

“Solas confirms that the heavens are scarred but calm.  The Breach is closed.”  Cassandra said as she stepped up behind Alexandra.  

“But there are still a number of rifts that remain open and we have more questions than answers,”  Alexandra replied.

“Yes, but this was a victory.  We must be careful not to lose sight of that.”  Cassandra turned to Alexandra.  “And word of your heroism has spread.”

“There were many involved.”  Alexandra sighed.  “I guess luck put me at the center,” she added sarcastically but Cassandra didn’t seem to pick up on it.

“A strange kind of luck.  I am not sure if we need more or less.”  Cassandra turned back to the revelers.  “But you are right, it was a victory of alliance.  But with the Breach closed, the alliance will need new focus.”

Before Alexandra could reply an alarm sounded, drawing her attention.  

“To arms!  Forces approaching!”  Cullen shouted as he ran towards the main gate, a contingent of soldiers in tow.

Alexandra bolted for the front gate as well.   _ Who could be attacking?   _ She thought.  She could hear Cassandra’s heavy footsteps behind her as she ran.  People who had been laughing and dancing just moments before were now screaming and running.

Cullen was already at the front gate when Alexandra and Cassandra caught up.

“Cullen?”  Cassandra asked.

“One watchguard reporting.  It is a massive force, over the bulk of the mountain.”  Cullen exclaimed.

“Under what banner?”  Josephine asked as she appeared from behind Alexandra.

“None,”  Cullen replied.

“None?!?”  Josephine exclaimed.

Alexandra felt a presence on the other side of the gate.  She wasn’t sure what it was as it was not like anything she had felt before.  She waved her arm at Cullen and Josephine to silence them and indicated the main gate just as there was a loud pounding on the other side.

“I can’t come in unless you open!” A voice came from the other side of the gate.

Not sure what she was doing, Alexandra jumped down the steps and pushed open the gate to reveal a young man, wearing the widest hat Alexandra had ever seen, standing among half a dozen dead Venatori soldiers.

“I’m Cole.  I came to warn you.  To help.  People are coming to hurt you.  You probably already know.” He said as he stepped in front of Alexandra.

“Cole?  What are you?  What is going on?”  Alexandra asked.

“The templars come to kill you,” Cole said and Alexandra’s blood ran cold.

“What?” Cullen exclaimed as he came to a stop next to her.  “Is this the order’s response to our talks with the mages?  Attacking blindly!?”  

Cole jumped back from Cullen before speaking.  “The red templars went to the Elder One.  Do you know him?  He knows you.  You took his mages.”

Cole drew back and pointed to the mountain behind him.  “There.”

Alexandra leaned around Cole and tried to see where he was pointing.  There was a craggy outcropping that overlooked the battlefield and on it stood a man and a, Alexandra wasn’t even sure how to describe it.  He looked half man, half creature.  He stood a good two feet over the man next to him and had what looked like red lyrium coming out of his body.  But it was hard to make out more from this distance.

“I know the man…,”  Cullen spoke.  “But this Elder One…”

“He is very angry that you took his mages,”  Cole said, turning to Alexandra.

“Cullen!”  Alexandra turned to Cullen.  “Give me a plan!  Anything to save these people!”

“Haven is no fortress.  If we are to withstand this monster, we must control the battlefield!  We have trebuchets, get out there and hit the force with everything you can!”  Cullen said before turning to the assembled mages and soldiers.  “Mages! You-you have sanction to engage them!  That is Samson!”  Cullen pointed to the man on the craggy outcropping.  “And he will not make it easy!”

Alexandra felt her chest tighten.   _ He is right.   _  She thought.   _ This will not be easy.  I just hope this is not the end of the Inquisition.   _

“Inquisition!  With the Herald!  For your lives!  For all of us!”  Cullen shouted as the soldiers and the mages streamed into battle.

All Alexandra was thinking about were the trebuchets.  She had to keep them firing.  The nearest trebuchet was under heavy attack by Venatori agents and templars.  But there was something wrong with the templars.  They glowed red.  Alexandra had a sinking feeling as she saw the red light that emanated from their eyes and bodies.  It was the same as what she had seen in future Redcliffe.

But Alexandra had no time for thoughts beyond those as the Red Templars were on them.  Alexandra pulled her magic from within her and sent a huge fireball at a group of Red Templars nearing the trebuchet, sending them to meet their maker, whoever he is.

“Lucky!  Watch out!”  Varric shouted as a Red Templar’s sword whizzed past Alexandra’s face, barely missing her.  Alexandra sent a bolt of lightning to the offending templar’s chest, sending him flying.

“Thanks, Varric!”  Alexandra shouted as she searched for higher ground.

Standing on the platform surrounding the trebuchet as it fired, Alexandra was able to send fire, ice and lightning raining down on the Venatori and Red Templars as they tried to take the trebuchet out.  But she noticed fewer Red Templars were attacking than just moments before.

“Herald!  We can hold them back here!  The other trebuchet is no longer firing!”  The soldier loading the trebuchet shouted over the din of the battle.

“I’ll find out what is wrong!”  Alexandra shouted back, jumping down off the platform and motioning to Varric, Cassandra, and Dorian to follow her.  She wasn’t stupid enough to run off with no backup.

When they got to the other trebuchet, it was crawling with Red Templars.

“Well, shit.”  Varric said, earning him a ‘No, shit’ look from Alexandra.

It took Alexandra and her companions longer than she would have liked to take down all the Red Templars guarding their newly acquired trebuchet.  She could hear the battle raging and hoped that their forces were holding their own.  But she knew that they did not have numbers on their side.  The Red Templars would eventually overrun Haven.  

Suddenly, Alexandra had an idea.  If she could turn the trebuchet to face the mountain, then she might be able to cause an avalanche that could bury the bulk of the Red Templar army, even up the odds.

“Keep them off me!”  Alexandra shouted as she ran over to the turn wheel on the trebuchet’s platform.   _ Maker!  This thing is hard to turn!  _ Alexandra had to put her whole weight behind the wheel just to get it to turn.  But get it to turn she did.  Once she had it pointed at the mountain she let loose it’s projectile, yelling at Dorian to get out of the way of the backswing. 

It hit the mountain square on.  Alexandra thought she was going to cry from relief when she saw the snow break away from the mountain and start to cascade down onto the attacking army.

“Yes!”  Dorian said smiling.  But before he could say another word an unearthly screech filled the air and all the blood drained from his face.  Alexandra knew that sound.  She had heard it once before in future Redcliffe.

Turning around and around, she searched for the source of the sound.  She did not have to search long as an enormous high dragon flew out of nowhere, sending a fireball at the trebuchet Alexandra was standing next to, sending her and everyone flying. 

“RUN!” Alexandra shouted as all four of them bolted back towards the main gate.

“Herald!” Alexandra skidded to a stop when the smith, Harritt, called out to her.

“The door is stuck!” He said as he tried to yank on the door to the forge with all his might.

“Move!”  Alexandra shouted before slamming her foot into the door, busting it open. 

“Thanks!” He shouted before running into the burning forge.

“Wait!  Harritt!  What are you doing?” Alexandra shouted, running after him.

“Just grabbing essentials, don’t want to die for the forge!” He said grabbing something from a chest by the door.

“Essentials, my ass!  Nothing is more essential than your life!”  Alexandra shouted as she grabbed him and dragged him back out.

“Herald!  Hurry!”  Cullen motioned from the main gate.  “You are the last!”

“We need everyone back to the Chantry!  It is the only building that can hold against that thing!”  Cullen shouted directing everyone toward the Chantry.  “At this point…” Cullen paused and looked at Alexandra.  “Just make them work for it.”

Alexandra made her way to the Chantry, trying to help those she could get away from the fire that rained from the sky from the dragon.  When she was sure everyone was in the Chantry, she ran in as the doors slammed behind her.

Cole was off to the side helping Chancellor Roderick.  It seemed as though he was badly hurt.  Before Alexandra could really take stock of the situation in the Chantry, Cullen ran up to her.

“Herald!  Our position is not good!  That dragon stole back any time you gained with the avalanche.”  Cullen said.

“I’ve seen an archdemon.  It was in the fade but it looked like that.”  Cole spoke from the Chancellor’s side.

“Wait!  An archdemon?  Like the one the Hero of Ferelden defeated ten years ago?”  Alexandra asked turning to Cole.

“I don’t care what it looks like!  It has cut a path for that army!  They’ll kill everyone in Haven.”  Cullen said, drawing Alexandra’s attention back to him.

“The Elder One doesn’t care about the village, he only wants the Herald,”  Cole said nodding at Alexandra.

Alexandra thought she was going to be sick, that thing was terrifying and it wanted her?  But she swallowed and looked at Cullen.

“If it will save the villagers, he can have me.”  Alexandra was proud when her voice didn’t waver.

“He wants to kill you.  No one else matters.  But he will crush them anyway.  I don’t like him.”  Cole said.

“You don’t like..?” Cullen shook his head at the understatement before turning to Alexandra.  “Herald, there are no tactics that make this survivable.”

Alexandra’s heart sank.  “The only thing that slowed them down was the avalanche.  We could turn the remaining trebuchet one last time.”  Cullen continued.

“But we are overrun, in order to hit the enemy we would have to bury Haven,”  Alexandra said.

“We’re dying.  But we get to chose how.  Many don’t get that chance.”  Cullen pointed out.

Alexandra looked around at the people of the Inquisition.  Many were already injured and she knew there were many who had not even made it to the Chantry.  She wanted so much to save them but it looked like nothing she did could save them.  But Cullen’s words were bouncing around in her head.   _ “We’re dying.  But we get to chose how.  Many don’t get that chance.”   _  Something in her changed at that thought.   _ We all chose to be here, to do this, to be a part of closing the Breach.  I know I would rather take that army down with me than die crouching in the corner of the Chantry. _

“Yes, That!”  Cole said, startling Alexandra from her thoughts but he was looking at the Chancellor.  “He wants to say it before he dies.”

“ There is a path.  You wouldn’t know it unless you had made the summer pilgrimage.  As I have.”  The Chancellor wheezed out.  “The people can escape.  She must have shown me.  Andraste must have shown me so I could...tell you.”

“You mean there is a way out the back of the Chantry?” Alexandra asked, feeling hope for the first time since seeing the army at their door.

“Yes, I took it on a whim, it was overgrown.”  The Chancellor said.  “If this simple memory can save us...this could be more than an accident.  You could be more.”

“Cullen, if I distract the dragon, can you get them all out?”  Alexandra asked.

“Possibly.  If he shows us the path.”  Cullen paused before continuing.  “But what of your escape?”

Alexandra looked at the door behind her before turning back to Cullen.

“Perhaps you will surprise it.  Find a way…”  His voice trailed off.

Alexandra smiled and placing her hand on his shoulder, she reached up and kissed his cheek.  “Get them out, Cullen.”  She said quietly before turning and running out the door.

 

****

 

“You four!  Load the trebuchet for the Herald.” Cullen shouted at several soldiers who were standing off to the side as Varric, Dorian, and Cassandra all ran out after the Herald.

_ Come back to us, Alexandra.   _ He thought as he turned from the door and faced the survivors.  “Inquisition!  Follow Chancellor Roderick through the Chantry!  Move!”  Cullen shouted.

The path up the mountain was difficult going, especially for the wounded, but Cullen kept them moving.  All he could think about was Alexandra facing that dragon.  Hoping against hope that was not the last time he would see her.  Once they were past the treeline, Leliana shot a flaming arrow into the sky to let the Herald know that they made it.

_ I hope she is still alive. _

 

*****

 

_ Finally!   _ Alexandra thought as she got the trebuchet aimed at the mountainside above Haven.  It felt like they had fought the whole army just to get to the trebuchet and turn it in the right direction, the soldiers Cullen had sent had been a godsend.

Before Alexandra could reach over to release the trebuchet, she heard the deafening roar of the dragon.   _ Maker, not again!    _ She thought as she looked around frantically for the beast.  It was headed straight for her.

“Run!” She shouted at her companions as the dragon breathed fire down on them. “I have the trebuchet!”

Instead of flying off as it had done every other time, the dragon landed between her and her companions, trapping her.  Alexandra was now surrounded by fire, trapped with the dragon.  But she was also trapped with the trebuchet.   _ I still have a chance to pull this off!   _ Alexandra thought to herself as she turned to the trebuchet.  But then through the fire next to the trebuchet, she saw the creature from before headed towards her.  She could see him better now.  He was thin and seemed to be half man, half red lyrium.  His face was covered in scars and his legs and arms were long and thin.  His long fingers ended in razor sharp claws and his eyes showed no mercy.

“Enough!”  The Elder One shouted.  “Pretender, you toy with forces beyond your ken!  Well, no more!”

“Who are you?  Why are you doing this?  What can you hope to gain by all this destruction?”  Alexandra yelled.

“Mortals beg for truth they cannot have.  It is beyond what you are, what I was.” He answered cryptically.  “Know me, know what you pretended to be.  Exalt the Elder One!  The will that is Corypheus!” Raising his hand, he shouted.  “You will kneel!”

Anger flowed through Alexandra.  “I will not kneel to you!  I am not afraid of you!”  She shouted, emboldened by her anger.

“Mortals always say what they don’t mean.  I am here for the Anchor.  The process of removing it begins now.”  Corypheus said as he raised a black orb from behind his back.

The orb glowed red as Corypheus held it.  He reached out his hand as it too glowed red, igniting the mark on Alexandra’s hand sending pain shooting up her arm.

“It is your fault, Herald.” Corypheus spat her title out. “You interrupted a ritual years in the making and instead of dying, you stole its purpose.” 

The pain intensified to a level Alexandra had never felt before.  Her knees buckled but she remained upright as though Corypheus were holding her in place with the anchor.

“I do not know how you survived, but what marks you as “touched”, what you flail at rifts, I crafted to assault the very heavens!”  Corypheus continued.  

Corypheus closed his hand into a fist and the pain in Alexandra’s hand intensified even more to the point it felt as though he was slowly peeling the skin from her hand and burning what was left.  A red flash of light came from his hand as he released Alexandra and she fell to her knees, holding her hand.

“And you used the anchor to undo my work!  The gall!”  He yelled.

“Then tell me what it is for!  What did you create this anchor for?”  Alexandra managed to ask through the pain that still pulsed through her hand.

“It is meant to bring certainty where there is none.  For you, the certainty that I will always come for it.”  Corypheus glared at Alexandra as he walked over and lifted her by the hand that held the anchor.  

“I once breached the fade in the name of another, to serve the old gods of the empire in person!”  Corypheus shouted in Alexandra’s face as he held her above the ground.  “I found only chaos and corruption!  Dead whispers.  For thousands of years, I was confused.  No more.”  

Alexandra was terrified.  This close he was a terror to behold, he was easily 8 feet tall and her arm burned where he held her.  His whole body gave off the same strange red light she had seen from those in future Redcliffe and from the red lyrium.

“I have gathered the will to return under no name but my own, to champion withered Tevinter and correct this blighted world!”  Alexandra’s blood froze in her veins at the thought of Tevinter returned to its former state.  “Beg that I succeed, for I have seen the throne of the gods and it was empty!” Corypheus continued.

With that Corypheus threw Alexandra, slamming her into the base of the trebuchet.  “The anchor is permanent.  You have spoiled it with your stumbling.”  He raged.

_ Shit. _  Alexandra thought.   _ Bastard broke some of my ribs. _

“So be it.  I will begin again, find another way to give this world the nation - the god - it deserves.”  Corypheus moved toward Alexandra.

_ This is it. _  Alexandra thought.   _ He is going to try to finish me. _  Using the trebuchet to help her stand she grabbed a sword that had fallen next to the trebuchet from some soldier’s hand.  Holding the sword in front of her, her ribs protesting at the movement, she faced Corypheus.

Just as Alexandra thought he was going to strike, she saw a lone arrow fly up from the mountain before disappearing in the fog surrounding the mountain.   _ Finally!   _ She thought.   _ They made it!   _ At least her knew that the Inquisition will live on if she died in what came next.

“And you.  I will not suffer even and unknowing rival.  You must die!”  Corypheus motioned to the dragon next to him.

“I will not kneel to the likes of you!  It does not end here!”  Alexandra shouted and slammed the sword down on the trebuchet release as hard as she could, sending the shot at the mountain behind Haven, triggering yet another avalanche.

Alexandra did not wait to see how Corypheus would respond, she just ran.  If she had any hope of escaping the avalanche, she had to move fast.  But she hadn’t gone more than a hundred feet when snow crashed around her and the ground she stood on gave way and she went crashing down.

 

*****

 

The first thing Alexandra became aware of was the feeling of pain everywhere.  There was not a part of her body that did not ache, burn or sting.  She rolled over onto her front as sitting up was out of the question.  Using her right hand, she was able to sit back on her knees and look around.  She held her left hand to her chest as pain still coursed through it from whatever Corypheus had tried to do.  Looking around, she noticed that she was in some sort of cave.

_ This must be part of the cave network that Leliana spoke of when she had talked about her time with the Hero of Ferelden.   _ Alexandra thought.  Moving shakily to her feet, Alexandra leaned on the nearby cave wall before starting to make her way through the caves.   _ If I can find a way out, I might be able to make it to the Inquisition camp.   _ Alexandra thought.

Hours later, after climbing up for what felt like forever, Alexandra was starting to lose hope.   _ I am never going to find my way out.   _ She thought.   _ Am I really going to escape from Corypheus and then die of the cold in these caves?   _ Alexandra placed her left hand on the nearby wall to take a rest.  The pain had slowly subsided the longer she had wandered.  Reaching up with her right hand she pulled a strand of her red hair that had blown into her face, only to have it fly back into her face accompanied by more of her hair.  Using her right hand again, she yanked it out of her face and placed it behind her ear.

_ Stupid hair!  Why won’t it stay?   _ Alexandra thought before she froze.   _ Wait, blowing hair means wind and wind means an opening!   _ Moving towards the wind, Alexandra finally found an opening out onto the mountain.  But this high up the wind was strong and it picked up the snow, blowing it in her face, making it hard to see.  

But Alexandra thought she saw something in the snow not far from the cave opening.  Upon closer examination, she could see that it was a fire pit, sadly long cold but it still probably belonged to the the members of the Inquisition fleeing Haven.

Further along the mountain, she found another fire pit, this one held a whisper of heat.   _ Maybe they are close?   _ Alexandra thought to herself.  Maker, she hoped so because she could no longer feel her feet or her hands in the blowing wind.   _ At least the cold has numbed away the pain.   _ She thought.

Moving along the very edge a cliff that went straight up, Alexandra tried to use it to block some of the wind.  Finally, reaching a passage that headed across the mountain instead of around it, Alexandra hoped she was close to catching up.

Alexandra stopped for a moment, trying to create fire in her hands, but she was so drained she could not even heat up the air around her fingers, let alone create fire.

_ Maker, I don’t want to die here.  Please let me find them.   _ Alexandra pleaded as she walked around the bend in the cliff.   _ Who am I kidding.  If there is a Maker, he has already shown that he doesn’t pay attention to me.  Or at least he won’t help me.   _ Alexandra felt the cold creep up her arms and legs with each step she took.   _ Maybe my parents did something unforgivable in his eyes and he is punishing me.   _ The cold wind bit at her cheeks.   _ But they didn’t even believe in the Maker...I think.  I always assumed they were Dalish.  But who knows… I was exiled once my magic came.   _ Alexandra felt her knees buckle.   _ I mean I have always been dropped once my presence is inconvenient...why would now be any different?   _ Alexandra felt the ice cold snow against her face.  But she couldn’t move...the world had gone white.

 

*****

 

“Commander!  Would you stop pacing?  You are making me even more antsy than I already am!”  Dorian rebuked Cullen as he paced back and forth.

“It has been two days since the attack on Haven.  She should have arrived by now.”  Cullen said as he continued to pace.  He had dispatched patrol after patrol to look for the Herald on the mountain but all had returned without her.

“I can’t stand around.  I am going to go look myself!”  Cullen said as he grabbed his coat and left the tent they had been using as a command center.

Cullen walked out of camp and looked back.  They had found a nice hollow in the pass through the mountain.  It was on the pass but huge peaks rose on either side and trees at both ends blocked much of the wind, protecting their camp.  It was a good spot to rest.  But none of them knew where they were going from here and they didn’t even know if the Herald was alive or dead.  They had seen the avalanche that had buried Haven and seen the dragon fly off but there was no news of the Herald.  

Cullen turned back to the path that led back to Haven.  He refused to believe that she had died in the avalanche.   _ It’s not possible.   _ He thought to himself as he trudged through the snow.  

_ Focus. _  Cullen thought to himself.   _ You are out here to look for the Herald. _  Cullen continued trudging along the path out of the pass and toward Haven when he thought he saw a glimmer of green light ahead.  Quickening his pace, he saw a flash of red hair partly covered in snow.  Reaching down into the snow, he found her hand and pulled her out of the snow bank she had fallen in.

Cullen brushed Alexandra’s hair out of her face and placed his bare hand on her forehead.  She was ice cold.

_ No, no, no.  _  He thought as he picked her up and rushed back to camp as fast as he could.   _ She cannot be dead!  I found her!  She has to be alive! _

The camp exploded with activity on his return.  Healers were called and Alexandra was rushed into a warm tent.  She was alive, but just barely.

_ Thank the Maker!   _ Cullen slumped into a chair as the healers rushed around, working to get Alexandra warm and to tend to her wounds.

 

*****

 

Alexandra felt warmth radiating from her center, thawing her arms and legs before finally warming her hands and feet.  Something tickled her nose and she almost sneezed but her body seemed to think it was not worth the effort.  Alexandra opened her eyes to a dimly lit tent, she was covered from head to toe in furs of every kind.  The one that had tickled her nose seemed to be bear.  There seemed to be two people in the room with her, the cleric from the Hinterlands, Mother Giselle, Alexandra thought her name had been.  Then looking to her left, Alexandra saw Cullen slumped in a chair, sound asleep.

_ He looks so peaceful.   _ Alexandra thought as she watched him.  A lock of hair had fallen in his face as he slept.  Sitting up, her entire body ached and a groan escaped her lips, drawing Mother Giselle’s attention.

“How do you feel?”  Mother Giselle asked, putting her hand on Alexandra’s forehead.

“I ache all over,” Alexandra said quietly, she wanted to make sure she did not wake the commander.

“That is to be expected.  You burned with fever for 2 days.” Mother Giselle said.

“I don’t remember any of it.  Last thing I remember, is the world turning white.”  Alexandra said.

“Our good commander found you buried under the snow, ice cold.  We thought we had lost you.  Then your fever developed and we thought we would lose you again.”  Giselle smiled at the sleeping commander.  “He has not left your side.”

Alexandra looked at Cullen’s sleeping face.   _ Why was he so concerned? _

Giselle smiled at Alexandra, “Sleep, you need your rest.”

 

*****

 

“What would you have me tell them?!?  This isn’t what we asked them to do!”  Cullen’s angry voice broke into Alexandra’s thoughts.

“We cannot simply ignore this!  We must find a way!”  Cassandra shouted, further bringing Alexandra out of sleep.

“And who put you in charge?!  We need a consensus or we have nothing!”  Cullen shouted back.

Alexandra opened her eyes and stared at the tent canvas above her head.   _ Have they been at it since I fell asleep? _

“Please, we must use reason!”  Josephine injected.  “Without the infrastructure of the Inquisition, we are hobbled!”

Alexandra sat up on one elbow and stared at the three of them as they continued to shout at each other.

“Hush, child.  You need your rest.”  Mother Giselle said when Alexandra started to get up.

“I am guessing they have been at it since I fell asleep hours ago,”  Alexandra said, turning to Mother Giselle.

“They have that luxury, thanks to you.  The enemy could not follow and with time to doubt, they turn to blame.”  Mother Giselle sighed.

“I assume Corypheus survived, do we know where he is?”  Alexandra asked as she sat up the rest of the way.

“We are not sure where we are.  Which might be why, despite the numbers he commands, he has not found us.” Mother Giselle said.

“Arguing is getting us nowhere,”  Alexandra said, turning to stare at Cassandra and the others.

“Our leaders struggle because of what we survivors witnessed.  We saw out defender stand...and fall.  And now we have seen her return.  The more the enemy is beyond us, the more our trials seem ordained.”  Mother Giselle said, drawing Alexandra’s attention back to her.

“But why would the Maker pick me?  He has never cared one hoot about me before, so why pick me for this ‘honor’?”  Alexandra sighed.  Even to her own ears, she sounded bitter.  She dropped her head in her hands.

“Who knows what the Maker has planned-” Mother Giselle started, placing her hand on Alexandra’s shoulder.

“That answer is the easy way out!!” Alexandra shook Mother Giselle’s hand off her shoulder.

“It can be hard, to face what we have been called upon to do, what we have been called upon to endure.”  Mother Giselle said softly.

“It is not what we must endure now!  I have seen horrible things and if everything they say is true and the Maker knows all then that means that he let those things happen and I just can’t-” Alexandra trailed off, dropping her head back into her hands.

“Calm yourself.”  Mother Giselle said  “None of us have all the answers, but what I do know is what we saw.  Perhaps what we needed to see.  We cannot see what the Maker’s plan is.  He works in the past and sometimes events take so long to play out that we can no longer see his hand in them.  He works in the moment and in how it is remembered.  Perhaps we survivors saw what we were meant to see?  Can we truly know that he is not with us?” 

“It was fanatical beliefs that got us to this point!  It was Corypheus’s beliefs that caused him to seek the Golden City and it was the templars and the mages strength in their convictions that causes the war between them!”  Alexandra argued.

“The scripture says, Magisters, servants of the false old gods, entered the fade to reach the Golden City, seat of the Maker.  For their crime, they were cast out as darkspawn.  Their hubris is why we suffer the Blight, and why the Maker turned from us.”  Mother Giselle continued.  

“Corypheus clams to be part of this story.  If true, he is a monster beyond imagining.  All mankind continues to suffer for that sin.  If even a shred of it is true, all the more reason Andraste would choose someone to rise against him.”  Mother Giselle looked Alexandra in the eyes.

“But why me?  I am the worst choice she could make!”  Alexandra said before standing and heading towards Cassandra, Leliana, Josephine and Cullen.  But as she reached the edge of the tent, she was struck by the disheartened looks of her companions.   _ What could I possibly do that would help them?   _ Alexandra thought to herself.   _ I was just thrust into this situation by chance.  They didn’t want my help in the beginning.  Only when they realized that they needed the mark on my hand did they take my help.  So what am I even doing here?  I could not save Haven. _ _ And even if they did want my help, I have no idea what to say. _

Just then from behind her Alexandra heard a strong calming voice start to sing:

 

Shadows fall and hope has fled

Steel your heart, the dawn will come

 

Alexandra turned to see Mother Giselle moving closer to her as she sung.

 

The night is long and the path is dark

Look to the sky for one day soon

The dawn will come

 

A sweet baroque voice rose from Leliana as she joined in.

 

The Shepherd’s lost and his home is far

Keep to the stars, the dawn will com

 

Alexandra stood spellbound as the whole camp started to join Mother Giselle in song.  Even Cullen’s baritone could be heard with the others.

 

The night is long and the path is dark

Look to the sky for one day soon

The dawn will come

 

The everyone’s voices raised in song blocked out all other thought.  Alexandra could not help but feel moved.  They moved toward her as they sung and many knelt before her.

 

Bare your blade and raise it high

Stand your ground the dawn will come

The night is long and the path is dark

Look to the sky for one day soon

The dawn will come

 

Alexandra stared at the people kneeling in front of her, not sure what to do.

“Faith is made stronger by facing doubt.  Untested it is nothing.”  Mother Giselle said as she stood next to Alexandra.

“A word?”  Solas spoke in her ear before Alexandra could answer Mother Giselle.

Alexandra stared after him for a moment before following him to the edge of camp.

“A wise woman, worth heeding.  Her kind understand the moments that unify a cause or fracture it.”  Solas spoke as they stood at the edge of camp.  “Tis gratifying to see for humans have not raised one of our people so high for ages beyond counting.  The faith is hard-won, Lethallin, worthy of pride...save one detail.”

“What is that?”  Alexandra asked.

“The threat Corypheus wields?  The orb he carries?  It is ours.”  Solas stated.

“What do you mean, ‘ours’?  As in the orb is Elven?”  Alexandra asked.

“Yes, Corypheus used the orb to open the Breach.  Unlocking it must have caused the explosion that destroyed the Conclave.”  Solas nodded.  “We must find out how he survived...and we must prepare for their reaction, when they earn the orb is of our people.”

Alexandra thought back to the singing before she spoke.  “I have already seen these people do some amazing things, who knows what the future holds.  It may surprise.”

“Perhaps,”  Solas said.  “Faith in you is shaping this moment, but it needs room to grow.”

Alexandra looked back at the people at camp.  The change in mood from just moments before was palpable.  “How?”

“You must lead them.  Scout to the north.  There is a place that waits for a force to hold it.  It is a place where the Inquisition can build...grow…It is called Skyhold.  Corypheus changed the Inquisition by attacking it, changed you.  Now you must take that change and build a opposition to Corypheus.”  Solas said.

“But,” Alexandra looked back at the camp again before continuing.  “How can I be what they think I am.  I am not some Maker sent savior, I am nothing.”

“You are what they need, you have already shown that,” Solas said.

 

*****

 

Alexandra had never seen anything as beautiful as Skyhold.  Even though it was high in the mountains, the base was surrounded by trees and the courtyard was warmer than the mountains outside the walls.  It’s walls were strong and seemed to have stood the test of time well. 

They had not been there a week when pilgrims started to arrive.  It seemed that news of the Inquisition’s new base had spread like wildfire.  Alexandra was helping one such set of pilgrims move into a room off the main courtyard when she noticed Cullen, Cassandra, Leliana and Josephine standing close together in the middle of the courtyard, speaking quietly.  Alexandra watched them quietly for a moment before Cassandra noticed her watching and motioned Alexandra over.  As Alexandra drew closer, Cullen, Leliana and Josephine all backed away and left.

“What was that about?”  Alexandra asked but Cassandra just smiled and spoke as though Alexandra had not spoken.

“If word has reached these people, it will have reached the Elder One.”  Cassandra said as she indicated that Alexandra should walk with her.  “But we now know what allowed you to stand against Corypheus, what drew him to you.”

“Yes, he wanted the mark on my hand.”  Alexandra responded as they climbed the stairs to the second courtyard.  “But now it is useless to him, so he wants me dead.  He will come for me.”

“The Anchor has power, but it’s not why you’re still standing here.”  Cassandra contradicted her.  “Your decisions let us heal the sky.  Your determination brought us out of Haven.  You are the creature’s rival because of what you did.  And we know it.  All of us.”  Cassandra continued as they climbed the second set of stairs that led to the main hall and overlooked the lower courtyard.

“The Inquisition needs a leader: the one who has already been leading it.”  Cassandra said as they reached the top of the stairs, revealing Leliana holding a giant sword.

Alexandra stopped in her tracks.  “Me?”  Alexandra was dumbstruck.  Looking out over the lower courtyard, she saw Cullen, Josephine and many members of the Inquisition looking up at her.  

“Yes, you,”  Cassandra said from behind her.   

“But I am an elf, and a mage and…” Alexandra couldn’t bring herself to say the real reason she still hesitated.

“We am not offering this to an elf or a mage, we are offering it to you.”  Cassandra said pointedly.  “I would be terrified handing this power to anyone.  But this is right.  They will follow you.  To them, being an elf and a mage just shows how far you have risen.  How it must have been by Andraste’s hand.”

_ By Andraste’s hand?   _ Alexandra just felt so confused.

“But what it means to you, how you lead us: that is for you alone to determine.”  Cassandra said as she indicated the sword.

Alexandra looked out again at all those gathered below in the lower courtyard before looking back at the sword Leliana was holding.   _ This is it.   _ She thought.   _ Sink or swim.   _ Alexandra reached out and grabbed the sword.  It was surprisingly light for its size.  

“I will do all I can to restore order and bring this war to a swift and resolute end.”  Alexandra said before turning to the crowd below. 

Cassandra nodded and moved past Alexandra to shout to those gathered.  “How our people been told?”

“They have.  And soon, the world!”  Josephine shouted back from below.

“Commander,  will they follow?”  Cassandra shouted.

“Inquisition!  Will you follow?” Cullen shouted as he turned to the crowd behind him, the responding roar from the crowd was almost deafening.  “Will you fight?”  Again the roar blocked out all sound.  “Will we triumph?”  They roared louder than ever.  

“Your leader!  Your Herald!  Your Inquisitor!”  Cullen shouted as he drew his sword to her and the crowd roared the loudest.

_ Too late to turn back… _  Alexandra thought and raised the sword high into the air as the crowd cheered even louder.

Cassandra touched Alexandra’s shoulder and indicated they should follow Leliana into the main hall.  Cullen and Josephine soon joined them as they looked around at the boards and stones strewn everywhere.

“So this is where it begins.”  Cullen said as he gazed around the hall.

“It began out in the courtyard.  This is where we turn that promise into action.”  Leliana pointed out.

“But what do we do?  We know nothing about this Corypheus except that he wanted your mark.”  Josephine said as she took in the hall.

Alexandra looked down at her left hand that held the Anchor.  

We need to find out more about him.  Knowledge is power and we will need a lot of power to take Corypheus on.”  Alexandra said as she looked up at her companions.  She noticed that Leliana was smiling.   _ Ahh the knowledge comment.   _ Alexandra laughed to herself before sobering.

“I might be able to help with that.”  Varric’s voice broke into their conversation.

“How?”  Alexandra asked.

“Everyone acting all inspirational jogged my memory, so I sent a message to an old friend.”  Varric continued.  “She has crossed paths with Corypheus before, and may know more about what he’s doing.  She may even have information on the assassination of the Empress or the demon army.”

“Hey, I can use all the help I can get.” Alexandra said.

 

*****

 

Alexandra headed to the North Tower of Skyhold.  It was secluded and Varric said that his friend required privacy to speak to Alexandra.  Once there Alexandra noticed that Varric seemed a little nervous.

“Hey, you okay?”  Alexandra asked.

“Yeah, it’s just complicated.”  Varric said before looking over Alexandra’s shoulder.  “Inquisitor, meet Hawk, the Champion of Kirkwall.”

“Hush, I don’t use that title much anymore.”  Hawk said before shaking Alexandra’s hand.

“Hawk, the Inquisitor.  I figured you might have some friendly advice about Corypheus.”  Varric said.  “You and I did fight him after all.”

“Impressive view.  Reminds me of my home in Kirkwall.  I had a balcony that overlooked the whole city, although I have not been there in some time.”  Hawk said as she leaned against the parapets.  “But it didn’t take long for me to only see the people depending on me and the beauty was lost.”

“Yeah, I’ll admit, it is terrifying.  But what I saw at Redcliffe, that cannot come to pass.  I will do anything to stop Corypheus.  Please if you have anything to tell me about him, I am all ears.”  Alexandra stated.

“Well, I am sad I don’t have better news for you.  Varric and I fought and killed Corypheus before.  He was being held by Grey Wardens but he was able to use their connection to the darkspawn to influence them.”  Hawk said.

“He got into their heads, messed with their minds.  Turned them against each other.”  Varric added.

“Varric tells me that the Wardens have disappeared.  It is possible they have fallen under his influence again.”  Hawk hypothesized.

“If they have, is there any way to reverse it?”  Alexandra asked.

“I am not sure.  We need to know more about how he does it first.”  Hawk said.  “I have a friend in the Wardens.  He was looking into the red lyrium Varric and I found in the Deep Roads.  We can meet with him and see what he has learned so far.  Last time I spoke to him, he was concerned about corruption in the Warden ranks.  He said he would be hiding in an old smugglers cave near Crestwood.  We should meet him there.”

“What is this red lyrium you spoke of?”  Alexandra asked.

“Varric and I found it in the Deep Roads and we also saw the templars using it in Kirkwall.  It made them different, changed them.  I wanted to know more.”  Hawk said.

“Thank you for helping us.”  Alexandra replied.

“This affects us all.  I am doing this as much for me as you.”  Hawk shrugged.

“I’ll go let Leliana and the others know.”  Varric said and headed back to the main hall.

“So, are you here alone?”  Alexandra asked.

“Well, I tried to leave Fenris where we were.  I know he would die to protect me and I didn’t want to give him a chance.  But he followed me.”  Hawk sighed.  “But I managed to convince him to stay here while I go to Crestwood.”  

“How did you manage that?  From what I have heard of Fenris, he is devoted to you.”  Alexandra asked.

“He is and I love him very much.  But I reminded him that if we both go and something happens, we would be leaving our daughter without any parents and that I would not leave her alone.”  Hawk smiled.

“You have a daughter?”  Alexandra asked.

“Yes, she is only nine months old.  But her father dotes on her.  She is my secret weapon.  He would do anything for her.”  Hawk’s smile grew.

Alexandra smiled.  “I am happy for you.  I should go and make sure Cassandra isn’t murdering Varric as we speak.  When all preparations have been made, we will meet you in Crestwood.”


	5. We Are All Members of the Walking Wounded

Dorian had never seen so much rain as he did when he went to the Storm Coast.  He felt as though even his bones were soaked.

“Come on Dorian, you’re falling behind!”  Alexandra shouted from up ahead.

_ She has changed since Haven.   _ Dorian thought to himself.  It had only been a few weeks since they had escaped from Haven and only a few days since she became the Inquisitor and he thought she had been handling the pressure marvelously.  Now, here they were in the Storm Coast to talk to a mercenary commander.   _ I think his name was Iron Bull.   _ Dorian thought to himself as he caught up with Alexandra and the others.

From the coast ahead, Dorian could hear sounds of fighting, he, Alexandra, Varric and Cassandra all quickened their pace to see what lay ahead on the coast.  Coming around the corner of the cliff, they were greeted by several Venatori soldiers that had separated themselves from the main group that was battling, what could only be assumed was, the mercenary group up ahead.  Alexandra made short work of the stragglers before any of the rest of them could so much as raise their swords or staffs.

“Spoilsport.”  Dorian mumbled under his breath but Alexandra’s attention was already directed at the mercenary company up ahead. 

“Chargers!  Stand down!” A deep voice bellowed, drawing Dorian’s attention.  Dorian’s mouth went dry forcing him to swallow just to get some sort of moisture in his mouth.  He was the most- Dorian was at a loss for words.   _ Magnificent.   _ Dorian concluded to himself.   _ Get ahold of yourself!  He is a qunari.   _ Dorian sighed to himself.

“Krem!  How did we do?” the qunari shouted at one of his men.

“Five or six wounded, chief.  No dead.” the man responded.

“That’s what I like to hear!  Have the throat cutters finish up, then break out the casks!” the qunari smiled and Dorian felt his knees go weak.

“So, you’re with the Inquisition, huh?” the qunari said turning to Alexandra.  “Glad you could make it.  Come on, have a seat.  Drinks are coming.”  

“I take it you’re Iron Bull?”  Alexandra asked as he sat down on a large fallen tree.  Dorian leaned against the tree further down.  Glad that his companions were sticking close to Alexandra so he could as well without drawing attention.

“Yeah, the horns usually give me away.”  Iron Bull nodded.  “I assume you remember Cremisius Aclassi, my lieutenant.” he continued as he motioned to the man he had spoken to earlier.

“Good to see you again.” Krem nodded to Alexandra before turning to his chief “Throatcutters are done, chief.”

“Already?  Have them check again.  Don’t want any of those Tevinter bastards getting away.”  at the last Dorian almost lost his footing.  “No offence, Krem” Iron Bull finished.

“None taken.” Krem shrugged before smiling.  “Least a bastard knows who his mother was.  Puts him one up on you qunari, right?”

Dorian hid his smile behind his staff.   _ I like that one.  Maybe I’ll use it. _

“So…” Iron Bull turned back to Alexandra “You’ve seen us fight.  We’re expensive.  But we’re worth it...and I’m sure the Inquisition can afford us.”

“How expensive is expensive?”  Alexandra asked as she crossed her arms.

“Wouldn’t cost you anything personally, we would work something out with your ambassador.” Iron Bull said.

“The Chargers do seem like an excellent company.” Alexandra nodded toward the group of men sitting a short distance down the coast drinking and talking.

“They are, but you are not just getting the boys, you’re getting me.” Iron Bull said with a smile.

_ Ahh if only. _  Dorian thought as Alexandra and Iron Bull continued to talk terms.  But Dorian wasn’t listening, he was looking.  Soon it was all settled and Iron Bull agreed to meet them all back at Skyhold with the Chargers.  

 

*****

 

Alexandra stood in the war room discussing strategies for Crestwood with Leliana.  At first it was nothing, just the normal ache the mark gave off.  But then the ache started to burn deep inside Alexandra’s hand before builting into a raging fire.  Alexandra held up her left hand, looking at it as the mark burned bright green.  It flickered and shone, only growing in intensity.  Her hand felt as though it were burning from the inside out but all she could do was stare.  Stare as the green flame spread up her arm, engulfing her body.

Alexandra tried to summon her ice magic to put out the flames but they only burned hotter, as though her own magic was feeding the magic of the mark.  The pain intensified to nothing Alexandra had ever felt, until all she could do was scream and pray that it would stop.

Alexandra woke with a start as the pain finally began to fade.   _ It was just a dream.   _ Alexandra could still feel the pain as it pulsed through her hand but it was a shadow of what she had felt in the Fade.  Looking down at her hand, she saw that it still glowed green, brighter than it did normally.  So much so that it lit up her entire room.  Her entire body felt as though she had been hit by a truck.  

Alexandra pulled her knees up to her chest and rested her head on her knees and just let the tears come.  She was just so tired of being tired, so tired of everyone depending on her, so scared of what the mark on her had could still yet mean, just so tired of what she might have to give before this was all over.   _ I can’t give up yet.   _ She thought to herself as she wiped the tears from her eyes, although it did nothing to stop the flow.   _ There are still too many people depending on me.  I can’t let them down.  I have to finish this.  But maybe when this is all over...when no one is depending on me anymore…   _ Alexandra got out of her bed as she knew there was no way she was going to get any more sleep.

Alexandra walked out onto her balcony and looked at Skyhold.  The calm of the mountains seemed to seep into Alexandra’s pores and the last of the pain faded away and the mark returned to its normal light glow.  Turning from the mountains, Alexandra looked down into the upper courtyard of Skyhold, even though it was quiet, Hawk’s words from just a few days earlier flitted through her mind “-didn’t take long for me to only see the people depending on me-”  Alexandra rested her head on the railing.  She had never felt so much pressure in her life.   _ Is this what the Hero of Ferelden felt?   _ When Alexandra was younger she had often wished to be like the hero because the she had done so much and saved so many.  She had wanted the power to change lives for the better, because she knew what helpless felt like.  But now that she had power to affect real change, she felt crushed by it, crushed by those depending on her, crushed by the future she saw if she failed and crushed by the knowledge that she cannot fail.

Alexandra pushed away from the railing and headed inside to her desk.  If she couldn’t get any sleep then maybe she could get some work done.  Maybe, just maybe, if the pile on her desk got a little smaller, then maybe she wouldn’t feel quite so crushed.   

 

*****

 

“Inquisitor.”  Cullen looked up as Alexandra walked into his office the next morning.  He had been staring very intently at a box on his desk.

“Commander, here is the report for our visit to the Storm Coast.”  Alex said as she placed the report on the edge of his desk and turned to leave.

“Inquisitor, a moment?” Cullen asked, stopping her before she was through the door.

Alexandra turned around.  “Yes, Commander?”

“As the leader of the Inquisition, you…” He paused, breathing out a sigh.  “There is something you should know.”

“What is it?” Alexandra asked, moving toward him. 

“Right, well, lyrium grants templars their abilities; but it controls us as well.  Those cut off suffer - some go mad, others die.  We have secured a reliable source of lyrium for the templars here.  But I...no longer take it.” Cullen said.

“What?  You...stopped?” Alexandra stepped toward him, concern etched on her face.

“When I joined the Inquisition.  It has been months now.” He sighed.

“Cullen,” Cullen looked up at the sound of his name.  “If this can kill you…” Alexandra continued.

“It hasn’t yet.” He shrugged.

“Are you in pain?” Alexandra asked.

“I can endure it.” Cullen said.

“Cullen...” Alexandra started.

“After what happened in Kirkwall, I couldn’t…  I will not be bound to the Order-or that life-any longer.  Whatever the suffering, I accept it.  But I will not put the Inquisition at risk.  I have asked Cassandra to...watch me.  If my ability to lead is compromised, I will be relieved from duty.” Cullen stood up straighter with the last comment.

“I-” Alexandra paused.  ”I can respect what you are doing.  Thank you for telling me.”

“Thank you, Inquisitor.”  Cullen nodded.  “The Inquisition army will always come first.  Should anything happen, I will defer to Cassandra’s judgement.”

Alexandra nodded almost absently before turning to leave.  Alexandra walked out onto the battlements of Skyhold, not really paying attention to where she was going.   _ To think Cullen was doing such a thing.   _  She thought.

Alexandra found herself in the north tower of Skyhold.  She sat down on the cold stone and leaned up against the parapets surrounding the top of the tower.  Closing her eyes she felt the cool mountain air pick up strands of her hair and fling them around.  

_ See? _ Alexandra thought.   _ You are not the only member of the walking wounded. _

 

*****

 

Dorian was sitting in his new favorite chair in the library when he heard footsteps coming up the stairs.  Not a rare occurrence he would admit, there were often people coming and going at all hours and making far too much noise.  But these footsteps were slow, as though someone were dragging their feet or lost in thought.  Dorian leaned forward and waited to see who this person might be that was in no hurry.

His wait was not long as Alexandra soon appeared at the top of the stairs.

“Why Alexandra, I haven’t seen you up here in awhile, my dear.” Dorian said with a smile.  She seemed to have been warming up to him since their trip to Redcliffe and the Storm Coast.

“Don’t ever call me that!” Alexandra glared at Dorian.

_ Or maybe not.   _ Dorian thought as he raised his hands in mock surrender.  “Inquisitor it is.”

“No, I-” Alexandra took to a deep breath.  “Alexandra is fine.  Just don’t call me ‘my dear’”

“Ahh.” Dorian nodded.  She had spit the words out as though they were poison.  But Dorian made a mental note to ask her about it later. Now was clearly not the time, judging from the look on her face.

“So what has you contemplative?”  Dorian asked leaning back in his chair.

Alexandra looked at him for a moment before going over to look at the shelves of books across from his chair.  It was a few moments before she spoke.

“I was thinking about what brought us all here, to this point.  Why each of us are here.” Alexandra turned and looked at Dorian.  “Each person has a goal, a reason, that drives them.  Something that they feel driven to do.”

“Well, ‘stop the end of the world’ is a pretty worthy goal.”  Dorian said, tipping his head as he looked at her.   _ What is she getting at? _

“No, I mean even before that.  And of course, it is a worthy goal and we all all here to stop Corypheus...but...people have personal reasons for being here as well.  Varric is here because he believes that he and Hawk are at least in part responsible because they freed Corypheus, even if they didn’t know it at the time, and Leliana is here because she feels her faith shaken to the core and is trying to find it again.  Even Cullen…” Alexandra trailed off.

Dorian stood.  “Yes, we all do have other reasons for being here but that is to be expected.  No one rarely has just one reason for acting.”

“But why am I here?” Alexandra asked as she looked up at him.

“What do you mean?” Dorian asked, now more than a little confused.

“I mean I get it, I have the mark which is the only way to close the rifts and I want to do all I can to stop Corypheus.  But why am I here?  Why am I the Inquisitor?  There are far better people who could be in charge.  I have no idea what I am doing most of the time and...well...let’s just say there are other reasons why I should not be the head of an organization that claims it was founded on the Divine’s orders.” Alexandra turned back to the books.

Dorian stared at Alexandra, trying to figure out what it was that she wasn’t saying.

“You have taken very well to the role of Inquisitor.” Dorian said and placed his hand on her shoulder.  Instantly, she stiffened up and he removed it quickly.

“Sorry, my shoulders still hurt from our time in the Storm Coast.”  Alexandra said but stepped away from him at the same time.

“Nothing to worry about.” Dorian smiled but was not fooled.  “But I meant what I said.  You have been faced with the unthinkable since you fell out of the Fade and you have risen to the challenge each and everytime.  I think that Cassandra, Leliana, Cullen and Josephine could not have made a better choice.”

Alexandra nodded slowly.  “Thank you, Dorian.”  Alexandra turned and headed back down the stairs.

“Wait, weren’t you coming up the stairs?”  Dorian asked jokingly but she apparently didn’t hear his as she continued to retreat.

 

*****

 

“Alexandra!” Alexandra paused as Cullen walked up to her.

“Inquisitor, do you have a moment?” Cullen asked.

“What can I do for you, commander?” Alexandra asked.

Cullen looked around.  He had caught her as she had been leaving the stables and there were already several people looking at them.

“Ahem…” Cullen cleared his throat.  “Is there somewhere we could talk alone?”

Alexandra nodded “we could go to your office?” 

“Yes, that should be fine.” Cullen said as they headed to his office.

Cullen turned to her upon reaching his office.  Alexandra wondered what was going on.  He seemed far more nervous than he had been at the stables.

“Cullen, what is going on?”  Alexandra asked.

“Inquisitor, Alexandra, I’ve wanted to speak to you for a while about, well,” Cullen paused and took a deep breath, his face a deep red.  “I care about you, and I can’t go on without telling you.  I just wondered-” Cullen stopped and looked at Alexandra.

Alexandra stared at him in silence for a moment, convinced she must have heard him wrong.

“Alexandra?”  Cullen asked a note of worry in his voice.

“That can’t be right….”  Alexandra whispered.

“No, it is.  I care about you and I-” Cullen sounded confused but Alexandra cut him off.

“There is no way what you are saying could be true…”  Alexandra took a few steps back from Cullen.  “I must be dreaming or you are just taking pity on me….”

“What?  No!” Cullen took a step toward her.  “I am not ‘taking pity’ on you.  Where would you get that idea?  You are beautiful and you really care about what goes on around here.”  Cullen indicated Skyhold, his earlier shyness gone, replaced with disbelief.

Alexandra stepped toward Cullen before fisting her hands at her sides.  “You don’t know me, you don’t know what lives inside me.  There is no way that you could care for me if you knew, no matter how much I…” Alexandra trails off, afraid because she almost said what she had been thinking since she first met Cullen.

“You can’t keep everything inside.  I see flashes of what you really feel before you hide it under your mask.  It is not healthy, you have to feel what you feel.  Even if what you feel is not-” Cullen paused again.  “I care about you and -”  Again Alexandra cut him off.

“You don’t want to know what I feel!  You don’t know me at all, I am not kind, I am just trying to fix what has gone wrong and I can never be right, I can never fix what is wrong, if you knew what was wrong you wouldn’t-I can’t- it can’t-” Alexandra knew she was rambling but she couldn’t stop herself and she felt at any moment she would start crying.

“Alexandra.”  Cullen cut her off as he placed his hands on her shoulders.

Alexandra looked up at him and before she knew it, his mouth was on hers.  Lightning shot through her veins and she grabbed the fur of his collar, pulling him closer.  Cullen deepened the kiss and moved his hand to thread through her hair.  As soon as his hand moved, Alexandra froze.  She couldn’t see Cullen anymore, she felt Him.  Him, as he grabbed her hair and slammed her head into the floor.

“NO!” Alexandra yelled and pushed Cullen back, her hands spouting flames in an effort to keep the memory at bay.

“Alexandra?” Cullen asked looking thoroughly bewildered.

“No, no, no.” Alexandra stepped back, extinguishing the flames as she ran her hands through her hair.  “I can’t do this, I care for you but I can’t.  I am no good for you, if you knew….I-I just can’t.”  Alexandra said as she backed out of the room, before turning and leaving Cullen staring at the door as it swung shut behind her. 

Alexandra walked calmly past the soldiers sparing and past the guards at the gates, as soon as she was sure no one from the fortress could see her she broke into a sprint.  Running until she reached the small woods at the base of Skyhold’s walls.

Alexandra slammed her fist into the closest tree over and over.  She wanted to shout and scream and wail but she just beat the ever-lovin’-crap out of that tree.  She leaned her forehead against the now damaged tree, dragging air into her lungs.

“I am not broken.” Alexandra said, barely a whisper.  She brought her right hand up to the right side of her face and felt the scar there.   She could feel the burn as if He were slowly slicing the knife through her skin in that moment.

“You are MINE.” He had whispered, taking her mouth in his before licking the blood from her face.  Alexandra leaned over a nearby fallen tree and emptied the contents of their stomach.  The memories seemed so close.  It had been years since they had felt this close.  Cullen’s kiss had been nothing like His kiss.  Cullen had been gentle but she could feel the restrained passion behind Cullen’s kiss.  Alexandra touched their lips with their hand.  She could still feel Cullen there.  Her emotions for Cullen were getting mixed up with her fear of Him.  More memories flooded her mind and she no longer saw the woods around her, she saw him, heard him, …felt him.   _ How could I have not known what he was? _  She thought to herself.  When she had first seen him, he had seemed so innocent, so honest, so…safe.   _ I should have been more wary.  _ Alexandra thought as their back slid down the beaten tree until she was sitting on the ground.

Alexandra covered her face with her hands as images flashed behind their eyelids. 

“I will never be yours!” Alexandra screamed and kicked out at Him.  She could feel his weight on her back as he shoved her bloody face into the cold stone floor.  “When I am done you will be mine FOREVER!” He whispered quietly in her ear before reaching for the bottom of their tunic.

Before the memory could finish, she saw Cullen’s face when he held her hand after arriving at Skyhold.

“You stayed behind.  You could have-I will not let the events of Haven to happen again.” Cullen spoke before giving their a soft smile as she turned to go.

The memory switched again to days in the cabin in the woods, to searing pain as He carved ruins in her body, seeing the blood pull from the cuts and arc through the air before swirling around him as he worked the ritual.

Tears streamed down Alexandra’s face as the memory switched again, and again.  Swirling memories of Him with memories of the Commander’s light touches until Alexandra couldn’t take it anymore.  Alexandra crumpled to the ground sobbing.  She wasn’t sure how long she stayed there but when her tears finally ran dry, it was dusk.  Standing up, Alexandra noticed that the ground around her was scorched black as though burned.  

“Well, shit.” She said as she looked at the ground.

“Fire shows who you really are.“ Cole’s soft voice came from behind her.

“Maker!” Alexandra jumped. “You should wear a bell or something!”

Cole smiled softly.  “Control seems lost, but not gone.”  Cole patted her arm gently before disappearing.

“What in the name of the Maker, was that about?” Alexandra mumbled to herself as she headed back to Skyhold.

Once inside the gates of Skyhold, Alexandra headed straight to Fenris’s quarters.   _ If the stories about him are true…..he might know how I can move past this. _  Alexandra thought as she climbed the stairs to the residence wing.

Alexandra stood outside Fenris’s room for a good ten minutes staring at the door, trying to draw the courage to knock.  Raising her hand, she went to knock on the door only to have it swing open to a grim-faced Fenris.

“Much longer and I thought the baby might wake before you came in.”  Fenris said.

“Sorry, I just wanted to speak with you, but I didn’t want to disturb you.”  Alexandra said.

Fenris stepped out of the room and closed the door mostly behind him before turning to Alexandra.

“Hawk said you might be by.” Fenris said and looked at her expectantly.

Alexandra swallowed.  “I wanted to ask you how you moved past it.”  Alexandra indicated his lyrium markings.

“Why?  Are you writing a book?”  Fenris asked sarcastically.  “Because that is what the last person who asked me that was doing.”

Alexandra smiled despite herself.   _ Varric.   _

“No, I just...wondered.”  Alexandra finished lamely.

Fenris stared at Alexandra for a moment.  “I killed the bastard who did it to me.”

“And that helped the pain?”  Alexandra asked.

“No, I felt...hollow after I killed him.  Like I should be feeling different than I did.  But Hawk showed me how to live with it.”  Fenris said.

“How?”  Alexandra asked.

“There is no straight answer to that.  She helped me but I had to find my own answers and my own acceptance.  Even now it still lives with me.  I still get angry at what he did but I have to move forward or I will lose the things I hold most precious.”  Fenris looked at Alexandra as he spoke.

Alexandra felt as though he was seeing into her soul.

“They are my reason now.”  Fenris said.  

  
  


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**Author's Note:**

> This is my first attempt at writing (so be gentle ^_^). I had posted this earlier but it was nowhere near ready so I took it down. Please, please, please leave comments as I would like to know what you think and am anxious to make the work better.


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